Lost In Translation

It's study break week now. The days are getting hotter and the flies are getting fatter - only a taste of the impending doom looming ahead in the coming week as me and the thousands more of the likes of me (ie. students) face our end of semester exams in uni.

For the past week or so I've been fueled only by V and probably some burgers to survive all the cramming of last minute studying and revision work. With an average of 8 hours a day spent in the library, I think that my life has just dropped to a whole new level of low all semester.

are you invigorated?

Thanks to V, however, I am able to sprint and juggle 3 bananas at the same time. The drink has been working miracles, I tell you. Apparently, if I were to drink a can of V, I can work and study like an Amazonian Indian.
How wicked is that?!

"Natural guarana, extracted from the rich red berries of the Brazillian guarana plant, has been used beneficially by generations of Amazonian Indians"

No wonder Amazonians have people like her.

Yesterday, it helped me read up half my Macroeconomics textbook, starting from about 11:00am to 3:00am. Of course I had my breaks, but might I add that really is quite a lot to read. And now that I'm done with Macro, I'm ready to take on some questions to revise and hopefully head on to other subjects.

Like Finance. I believe that Finance is definitely gonna kill me. I've never had a stronger feeling about failing an exam paper than now, and it's going to be Finance. There's just so much to read and the authors of the textbook are just seriously getting on my nerves. What they could say in 3 lines takes them 3 pages!! I am so unfamiliar with the materials, it's not funny. And it doesn't help that the lecture notes are taken directly from the textbook, just more vague.

Sigh. This is the part where I begin to regret not studying earlier or making any effort at all in the subject throughout the semester. I will rule out regretting not paying attention in classes because that seriously just didn't help at all. The lecturer simply reads out what the slides say and mention extra lines from the textbook as well.
Oh well. I guess I'll just have to try my best and get all the V I need.

But all in all, I find that cramming really does suck (yes, I'm a genius to have just discovered this). To explain why, I'll give you a little insight of Economics 101 on the rule of Diminishing Marginal Productivity. The rule simply implies something like given a number of workers in a company (for example's sake let's make it an extreme of just one worker), the more machines you provide him with to man, the lower the productivity of output will be produced. You see, one worker can definitely man one machine to its maximum efficiency. But let's say you add another machine, he'd probably have to begin walking around, overlooking two machines now. Given three... well, you get the picture. While more machines may increase speed of production, it doesn't necessarily mean more outputs will be produced as it's quite hard for one worker to run around manning three machines.

Now, I am able to work pretty efficiently with one subject which my paper would be on coming Monday - Macroeconomics. But given another subject or two around the corner (like Finance and Accounting which dates are quite close to my Macro exam date), I can only work less and less productively. So how do I solve such a problem? Well, unless I can clone myself and focus each 'me' on a subject, then it shouldn't be much of a problem. Otherwise, it's too late.
The only solution is that I should have started earlier in order to obtain the desired output for all three subjects by the exam dates.

Sigh. If only...

Monday 7th November - Introductory Macroeconomics
Thursday 10th November - Accounting Transactions & Analysis
Monday 14th November (how dare they...) - #$@^&$ Finance 1
Monday 21st November - Business Process Analysis

Of all subjects. And of all days.
Bloody $#!+@$$ university...

According to the equation on the McCafe's Espresso cup,

"great espresso + friends = delight"

Well...

MY BUTT!!

First and foremost, an Espresso is supposed to keep me up. I'm supposed to feel this surge running through my body, pysched up to do some work armed with killer concentration. Ignore the fact that I'll probably get into a caffeine hangover the following day. This crap is supposed to help me cram for my Accounting paper on Thursday tonight!!

But nooooooooo! Not only does it taste crappy (well... it's not that espressos are famous for their exotic taste... but this one just sucks beyond standards), I am yawning my way through these notes and feeling depressed! Why am I feeling depressed? No, I'm quite sure I'm not giving up yet. I may be worried, but not to the point of depression. Yet I'm going nuts!

Gahh!!
Okay. So maybe I'm not fulfilling the equation right. The "friends" factor is absent. But does that really make a difference? It's more like a non-essential, exogenous factor in this equation. I'm cramming at 2:52a.m in the morning. What friends?!

*Sigh.

For this past year, I've come to learn many things in life. Some regrettable. But others I will treasure for life. The year hasn't been too kind to me, honestly. It has been a bumpy road in uni life and even more in the matters of my relationships. Over the year I've learnt to be bitter, proud, careless and lazy when it comes to relationships and I guess it is this that had dragged me down for the better part of the year.

Finding answers in life is tough. Pondering upon the little mechanisms of it - wondering how one instrument could trigger a domino effect, impacting so many other things around it so easily - has been more tiresome than ever. And over the year I've found myself growing weary of it. I've begun to stop wondering and letting things flow. I've stopped planning ahead and let spontaneity take over. I wonder now instead if this is healthy at all. To have no clear direction ahead but let life take me where it wants me to go.
Who's holding the steering wheel then?
I don't know. And I guess that's something I fear now. By right, I know it should be God. No, He won't rule over my life. He can't. He can only rule over my heart. Same as everyone else. We have control over our own lives and what we choose to do with what we know is what makes us who we are.

Which brings myself to the following question:

"What am I choosing to do with what I know?"

And I guess this is where I left off.
The truth is, I don't really know. I know what's around me. I know who's around me. I know who I love, who I appreciate, who I don't like, who I'm bitter with, and so many more things. Similiarly, I know what I love, what I appreciate, what I don't like and what I hate. My perception and observation of my surroundings have not changed. Only that which is ahead of me has. Or rather... disappeared.

I've learnt that I may not like what I'm doing. The only reason why I'm still pushing on is simply because I have nowhere else to turn to (or rather I haven't found a way yet). And possibly obligation as well. So what do I do?
I don't know.

Maybe I got lazy. Maybe this is what it's like to give up on life. I may still be pushing forward, living it, but without purpose. Without integrity. Without meaning. Maybe it's just faith that I've lost. Something to believe in, like a cause. Maybe I've been blinded from the truth about life (whatever it is I'm not sure) and I'm just walking in the dark now. Maybe...

But for now, I know that even if I really were stumbling through the darkness in life, I have a hand I can hold on to. She maybe struggling herself in ways I'm unaware of but she hasn't given up on me still. I can hear her silent prayers daily, hoping for me to be the person whom I'm supposed to be one day. To answer the call and stand up to be. To take the lead and lead. She still believes in me.

◦Esther◦

For this past year I've come to meet many new faces as well - a few I have the privilege of calling as friends now. Especially those in uni whom I get to meet up with almost everyday and hang out with. You know who you are. For some reason I can't really grab a hold of, they've somehow got me questioning again. To see how their lives churn through the many ups and downs and yet they continue living it when they're on the edge (may not be done healthily, but nevertheless...), I found myself wondering again.
The wheels, I suppose, are set in motion again.

Where I am to go from here? I'm not so sure of that yet. But I think I can find out. I think I'm determined. I'll explore the boundaries of life. From religion to my comfort zones to the friendships I have. In hope of finding out what's of substance in it - what/who will stay with me till the finishing line - I dare myself to dare those around me. There will be consequences, I'm sure. But I think it should be worth it. Because I know where the finishing line is already, and it's gonna be great. At least that's what He promised.

Yesterday, I turned 20.
May not be much of a big deal, but to me, the step of leaving teenhood into the baby days of adulthood should be taken a little bit more seriously. And in this time, I'd like to honour those around me who've made the biggest differences in my life.

Thank you:-
Mum, dad, Lydia (both), Mervin, Uncle Venu & Aunty Sze, Vivek, Yvonne, Jia Wei, Sho, Syikin, Leanna, Mae, Gary, Yupei, Eunice, Dev, Tien Ern, Alex, the JYG, Ai Rene, Denise, Markus, Mel jie, Isaac, Aaron, Winnie, kg, Iris, Ashley, TK, Uncle Joe, Euge, E-gene & Saz, Jimmy & Lana, Ah Ling & the Keoh's, and most of all, Esther.

Thank you for loving me and believing in me. For remembering me in your prayers, guiding me through life's toughest moments and lifting me up through the glories of it. I honour and love you all.

And for the wishes since Sunday till today (talk about timezones),
My housemate(s) kg, Esther & Lydia, Alex, Mel jie, Winnie, Lydia (Tang), Merv my brother, Syikin, Sue-Lee, Jimmy & Lana, Vivek, Rueymond, Ah Ling, Mae, Hajinder, Leanna, Ai Rene, Denise, (on the tag board) Mich, Nina, Yanting (whoa!!), and Sarah.

Thank you all so much. You guys made me feel so loved.
May this following year bring about abundant blessings upon our lives.
I'm determined, and I believe.

Saw this on the road at Port Melbourne just the other day.

Looks like the dog's pissing at its master's leg.
Thought it looked funny.
Thought I'd share it with the world.

...................

Just one more to go...

It's all done.
What a relief.
My 3 weeks of exams are now over. The calm after the storm is here.
Only the rainbow to look forward to.
A rainbow that'd last 3 months.

Unless I failed a paper (or more?), that is. Then an even darker storm will arise.

But forget all that. I shall not look backwards any longer, as what's done is done. I've tried my best - stressing till I couldn't be anymore, lost sleep that I see now were pointless for doing, and grew many, many more pimples. I have about 3 months to enjoy till my upcoming semester, and I plan to enjoy every bit of it.

And as a starter, I had dinner with Esther & Alex last night at Sofia's. What a blast. We ordered so much we couldn't finish it. But oh well. I thought we deserved it anyhow. Me with the finishing of my final paper, and both Alex & Esther with their new fulltime jobs, starting this coming week.
Then tonight, with kg just finishing his paper as well, the both of us with Esther and Lydia, headed off to Crown to enjoy cheapass Tuesdays with $10 Chicken Parmagiana & a pot of beer. This was of course followed by cheapass Tuesdays half-price movie tickets at The Village, where we watched Flightplan. That is one hell of a kan cheong movie. Reminded me much of Panic Room. But I think I enjoyed this better.
And then on Thursday, Esther & I are planning to head off to the Dandenong Ranges for a night or two to enjoy the greenery. Just a little break before she starts off with her job. Pretty cool, eh?

But how exciting could life really get? Just a week into my freedom, and both my buddy and my girlfriend are about to start work. My unimates on the other hand? They're about to leave for home. Denise is flying off this weekend, while Ai Rene the week after. That leaves me with... Lydia and kg??
Sigh. Life is harsh.

But wait. I forgot something. We've actually got a new member to add to the household now. Well, on a temporary basis, that is. But two months++ should be sufficient enough. Thanks to my ex-colleague who's just left for Singapore today, she's left me a friend to keep company with during this summer break.

Meet Muffin.

If her cuteness won't kill you her squeaking would. She has got to be the most adorable little thing I've ever seen. And the funniest thing is that she responds when I call her 'Muff'! Hahaha! Okay. I'll just leave to the minority of you to figure that one out.

But to me, I think this holiday's gonna be quite something.
Can barely wait to see what it's got instore.

I was awoken this morning by the piercing sound of the apartment buzzer. The sunlight outside was dim, hinting that I really shouldn't be awake yet. While my mind was still spinning from the probable lack of sleep, I could only imagine a wrong number or some idiot trying to pull a prank at this hour in the morning. But then again, I guess 'early' is relative.

I headed to the intercom to find a guy by the buzzer. Fazed, I picked up the intercom and asked how I could help him.
I swore I heard him say that he'd got a pizza delivery.
Fazed, I took a glance at the clock.

Winos.
I hence replied that he'd probably gotten the wrong apartment.

"Nah, I'm quite sure I've got the right address. It's issued to a Kong Guan Tan (kg's full name)?"

REALLY fazed now, I could only be surprised that kg had the ability to wake up at such an hour in the morning and of all things, order pizza. So I trotted over to kg's room and woke him up, asking if he had ordered pizza. Confused, kg said no. Even more confused, I thought we had better head downstairs to check it out. The guy DID afterall quote kg's name.

You should've seen my face when we went downstairs to find that instead of a pizza the guy was holding a PARCEL.
Parcel. Pizza. Parcel. Pizza. Parcel. Pizza.
How did I confuse such a thing?!

But nevertheless, he signed it and took it upstairs. Anxious because we both thought that it could be mine, we were both dismayed by the size of the parcel (it wasn't as big as my expected parcel). You see, right after Monday's paper, I did a rash thing. I headed straight home and ordered something under kg's name. Something nice and black and very, very slick.

Still, being as curious as we were, we got straight home and tore the package open.....
Only to find that it really was my package. And that it was much smaller than any of us had expected.

Behold... the holiest of Appletopia,

The iPod Video

HOLY CRAP IT'S SO SLIM!!
Hearing the commotion, Esther immediately came out to check it out as well. And boy is it beautiful.

The bright colours. The slick, suave black. The flawless chrome at the back. The video playback. The photo storage. The endless extra functions. And the 30GB of music!!
It is amazing!! It is perfection manifested in a material object! It is bold! It is MINE!!!

*Sniff.
Like I said before. This holiday is gonna be quite something. And the action has only just begun...

Ah... what a great week it's been. First the mark of the end of exams, then the arrival of Muffin, followed by the iPod Video, and then, just yesterday, Esther & I just got home from a 2 night holiday at the Dandenong Ranges.

How refreshing the trip was. To be immersed in the richness of Australian nature. Not the dry, red, central type of course - but the mass greenery, where the noisiest things you'd here is but the rustling of tree leaves, the chirping of birds and the soft flow of nearby streams. What a change it was from the bustling traffic, dust-infested city air with neverending car alarms going off.
There were a whole heaps of highlights of the trip that's worth mentioning. So much that I can't really fit them in a single post. But because I'm lazy and am not up to splitting it up to two posts, I thought I'd just share a few bits of the trip.

First up we found a beautiful Bed & Breakfast place just between small towns Sassafras and Olinda called A Country House.

It was priced rather affordably, considering the facilities. We chose the Chapel, where we had a huge studio-like room, equipped with a dining area, a couch, tv with dvd & vhs players, a bathroom that's as big as my room here in Melbourne featuring a spa, and a verandah overlooking the green backyard. We so didn't feel like going out sightseeing at all upon arriving.

But we did, of course. Eventually. One of the places we explored was the National Rhododendron Gardens - a huge reserve with over 43 hectares and a 5km round trip, boasting the loveliest of gardens and lakes.

more pics will be posted at focus

It was so big that neither Esther and I could finish the walk as we were too tired just about 3/5 way through. The sun was up to maximum power (thank God for that though as it was forecasted to be rainy all day the day before), leaving us burnt, tired and hungry by then.

We treated ourselves after that of course, by heading to the little town of Sassafras, where the infamous Miss Marple's tea house stood.

Based on Agatha Christie's classic character, Miss Marple's was one of a kind. It was as if the whole place was a dedication to the detective, decorated to the last inch with photos and memorabilia of her. The tea house was more like a museum, really. But still, that in no way has discounted the quality of the food at all. So good that we actually went there twice. First time was just for lunch, while the 2nd was to try out their infamous Scones - something that we missed out on the first trip.

They're not infamous for nothing, I tell you. The scones with their homemade jam and whipped cream are the best combination since cars and wheels.

Of course, there were several other places we visited and several other interesting stories to tell. Like the creepy (at least I thought it was) William Ricketts Sanctuary, which was an outdoor gallery of the artist's sculptures in the forest. And also the Puffing Billy, the classic steam train which takes tourists around on a scenic tour across the Ranges (it even features Thomas the tank engine). But like I said, I'm lazy.

It was the perfect getaway, I could say. An escape from the realities and responsibilities of life in the city. Away from the hassle and hazards, off to the quietness of mother nature and all her treasures hidden away in a stash. If only I could afford to do it a little more often. That would really be perfect then.
Oh well. I guess I'll just have to wait for my strike on Tattersall's 'The Big One'...