Lost In Translation

the world's spinning round and round
dizzying me up like a kid twirling in the park
where the trees above revolve around me
where gravity jerks with the sway of the wind
where balance is one sided
and it swaps around a lot

what's real
and what not
is left but a smoke in the air
disappearing as if into inexistence
when really
it's still there

the focus point is blurring
as black and white blends into grey
won't you lead me through it all
with my eyes wide shut
just following you by your arms
into the lost
into the world

How do you deal with it? When it's raging on the inside - whatever the cause? How do you express it? Do you actually express it? Do you flare your frustration to the people around you or do you choose to surpress it on the inside? Or would you be the type who'd ignore it and choose to look at the brighter side of things?

I am angry now, you see. I am trying my very best to keep it inside and smile. I'm choosing to believe that I can be better than who I could be, given that I decide to burst. But would that be healthy? I mean, leaving it to settle on the inside could either be resolved by forgetting about it sooner or later or simply boil up and accumulate to be something that's just uglier than before. But as for now, I'm quiet. I'm smiling. I'm tolerating. And so far, I think it's going pretty well.

But it doesn't really help when the source of it is a constant, now is it? When it's something that's not going to go away soon, if at all, depending on how much of a pessimist I am. And it doesn't help as well when it's constantly in my face. And it's not learning. It's not changing. Not for the better. 'Better' being the way I see things, that is. Yes, it's true that it can all come down to a battle of bias. It's not my way, you see. So that sucks. And that pisses me off. But on this case, actually, I think I have the right to be angry.

But I'm not just angry at one thing. There are other factors as well that are internal actually, in contrast to an external factor. I am angry with myself. For the silly mistakes I've made today and the past few weeks. And for the costs it has implied upon others. For things I should'nt have done, and others I should have. For the lack of responsibility shown that I should have, and for the failure to care for what should really matter.

I feel like swearing right now. But I don't want to give in to it. I don't want to give in to Anger. I believe that I can be better than that, that I can be more gracious to those who anger me, and that I can be a better person for myself to correct the mistakes of the past. But what if they just never learn? What happens if this continues on a longer term? How patient can I be?

So Anger.
How do you deal with it? I'm not too sure for myself.
Do you? Care to enlighten me?

Hmmm. Been a rather uneventful week. But it's probably what I needed anyway. A real break. A period of time when I can truly relax, do nothing at all, and hence, worry about nothing at all. Except for that short dramatic period building up to when my results were coming out, that is. But all's fine. Very disappointing but fine I guess. Out of the 4 subjects I expected to fail 2 and do well in 2. Of the 2 i expected to excel in, I did badly, but of the remaining 2 which I expected to fail at, neither did I fail. So it evened out in a way, I guess. Nevertheless, disappointing. I'm sure I could've done better.

There's not much really to blog about. Except for this bit on multiple exposure probably (I think that's what it's technically called). Been experimenting on it a bit these few nights and it's proven to be quite fun. The first time I did it myself was weird. So the following night I got Esther and Lydia to play along. Check it out for yourself.

As you can see I just started off with something simple. Then progressed a little to words, then we got a little bit creative.
All in all it was pretty fun. And I guess that was the highlight of the week. Haha!

Well not really actually. Just got home from TK's 24th barbecue in Williamstown. What an awesome day it is today, the weather perfect. Oh, and the whole thing was fun as well. But I'll blog about that another time, perhaps. For now, I gotta go shower, then dinner.
I'm in a dire need of a cold shower now. I'm burnt.

There's so much I want to blog about, yet so little time I have. But in short for now, it's been a heck of a week. It's been on a high for both 'Exciting' and 'Exhausting', entailing the likes from work to a certain Greenday concert.

It has certainly been a blast of a week. But I guess I'll just have to talk about it much later. As for now, I gotta head to bed soon. It's waaay past my bedtime.
G'nite folks.

I have recently been robbed of a social life. Ever since I started with my job last Thursday, I haven't had much time (if any) at all to even drop by online to have a quick chat with anyone. If I can't even do that, what more to say about going out and (physically) catching up with others?

It all started last Monday when I first got a call to come in for an interview in one of the companies I've applied a job for. The job description had been really vague as it didn't mention much about the job at all but they were just excited about recruiting guys & girls with/without experience. So I thought, why not? I drove down the Richmond the next day (where the office was), had the interview, and the MD asked me to come back the next day for an observatory session. Now, the interview wasn't even really an interview. Instead of me talking, it was him instead, explaining to me all about what they do - which was sort of a promotions company where they deal with events and they get people out on the streets to promote their clients' products (in this case, we're only dealing with charities).

So I headed back on Monday and was explained that I was going to be taken out to the field by one of their finest leaders to 'observe' how everything's done. Lo and behold, that 'leader' happened to be none other than Ben Siong himself! Apparently he had been working there for 8 months, starting from my position, and within that short time, has climbed himself up the corporate ladder to be a Crew Manager. Needless to say, I was impressed. On Thursday, I came back for my official first day.

So how exactly is it that I've been robbed of a social life? Well, to put it simply, I wake up at 6:30a.m every morning to have an early start at 7:30a.m (I have to take the train to work), and usually I get home by about 7:30p.m. We spend an average of 10 hours on the field. So you can see how exhausted I'd be when I get home at night. And not only that, it also depends on where I'm located at during the day. So far I've been placed as far out as Sandringham and Clayton while on other days in Brighton, Heidelberg, Cheltenham, and Footscray. The further out I'm at, the longer the traveling time. The first day I got home, I dropped dead at 9:30p.m. So yea, you can imagine my exhaustion.

But don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining here because I actually enjoy my job. Each and every day, I get to work with someone else (as we've got a crew of about 20+ people), and believe me when I say that we've got some really interesting people on board. Ranging from an African-Egyptian break-dancer, a sidetracked tie-dealer, a swakoo dude from Pahang, straight down to an English (and very literate) backpacker, the perks and fun never stop even while at work. The experience itself is invaluable as it teaches me a lot about talking to strangers on the street, and I (sorta) get to travel and see the many different parts of Melbourne.

Now how cool is that?

p/s: Oh. And about the Greenday thing? I'll talk about that next time. And this time, I'm really holding it out on purpose. Hehe.

Rocked.

There was nothing quite like going to the final concert for the year for what has been debated to be the biggest rock band of the year. The 3-piece band have been known for their energetic and heavy political barrages performances, and they certainly didn't fail to deliver (if not more than the usual).

Lasting for more than 4 hours altogether, including opening acts with My Chemical Romance and Jimmy Eat World, all I could say about the end of it is that it was tiring. Standing (and not to mention jumping) for that long is one thing. Wrestling through the mosh pit and the crazy crowd seemed to be the bigger problem. Especially for er... vertically-challenged people like me (Iris, you'd understand). We had guys pretending they'd lost their kids as an excuse to get through the crowd, a girl saying she'd been separated from her sisters (she's clearly old enough to look after herself), and a family (that's right! a family!! a mum, a dad, and a kid who's like... 9!) saying they've gotta get to the front where their friends are at. And it never stops for about 4 hours!! Makes one wonder why does one pay extra to be on the floor while the rest get to sit luxuriously in their seats (except from a further distance of course) and make Mexican waves during intervals.

The opening acts, sad to say, was disappointing. I didn't get My Chemical Romance. They were just making weird noises and swearing the whole night. Oh, and also promoting their side tour in Melbourne as well. Jimmy Eat World on the other hand, really, really disappointed me. Being 50% of the reason I was there (I'm not that much of a Greenday fan, you see), they performed so poorly it almost made me feel embarrassed. Running upstage then declaring they're a "professional rockband from the USA", AND THEN starting off in the wrong key was a really bad thing to do. And they didn't go off key just once - TWICE!! - leaving the crowd huh-ing their way. They had a few good numbers the Australian crowd were more familiar with like Bleed America, Sweetness, and Pain, which got the crowd excited. But that was about it, out of the 7 or more songs they did.

Then came Greenday.
With their very entrance itself reminding me of a historical revolution-leader (say Martin Luther King, Jr.) entering a room. The whole crowd went wild, screaming at the top of their lungs for the long-awaited band to come on stage (after almost 2 hours of nonsensical opening acts). And there stood Billy Joe, raising his arms as if conducting the crowd a choir, and the crowd just went even louder as he literally basked in his own glory.

And before anyone knew it, off started the anthem itself, American Idiot, getting everyone on the floor jumping crazy. They did pretty much all their favourite numbers from the American Idiot album, did some of their antics from the MTV Music Video awards (ie. shining a torchlight at the crowd) and a whole lot more from their previous albums like Brain Stew, the anthemic Minority, Longview, the classic Hitchin' A Ride and who could ever miss out on Good Riddance (Time of Your Life). They also did a number of songs that weren't theirs like Queen's Champions and a few other classics I can't remember.

Midway through it all, things just got more fun. First, they got a kid upstage from the crowd (he couldn't be more than 14 years old) and gave him a huge American Idiot-custom-made watergun and was told shoot it at the crowd. Then Billy Joe did it himself with another gun, soaking the entire moshpit in front. And after all that, they got 3 guys to get onstage again. This time, to replace themselves. Billy Joe started interrogating the crowd for a drummer, bassist and a guitarist to play a rift for them. What was found were a drummer who'd been playing for 2 years, a girl bassist which I thought was cool, and a hilarious guitarist who'd only been playing for 4 months. He had to be thought how to play the chords onstage. In the end, he got to take home Billy Joe's guitar 'cause Billy thought he sucked so badly he needed more practice. How cool's that?!

All throughout the way, they maintained a steady momentum - never dying down for a second to catch a breath - just non-stop rock all night. Like I said, it was a very exhausting concert. And very much worth it. With the added consistent pyrotechnics including amazing fireworks displays (yes, plural. it happened several times, saving the biggest for last of course) and the Crown-like fire-spits, it was a clear contrast from a mere 'concert' to a plain awesome 'performance' (if you get what I mean...).

What can I say? I loved it. Definitely the biggest gig I've ever been to, not to mention crazy. Would it rival the upcoming U2 though? I'm not sure. U2 has been said to have sold 4 times more tickets at the same venue. And U2, well... being U2, if not the rival for biggest band of the year then the definite band of the century, I'm sure it will be one heck of a ride as well.

If only I had a ticket...