Lost In Translation

towritetosee

2009-12-04T13:21:39Z

If you still haunt this space, I have now built a new home here. Thanks for all these years, Isaac.

beginnings

2008-10-26T12:34:14Z

Clearly, as you may have noticed, this isn't working. Maybe I've gotten lazy. Yes. I've thrown that confession out bluntly, but it is what it is. But for some reason, I no longer have the initiative to continue on with this blog. Is it a lack of stories to tell? No. I think it's just a lack of a will for storytelling. I wonder if it's a good thing. I wonder if this means that I'm doing (and I mean "doing" in a good way) more now, and that I am doing better with my time; with more productive things besides blogging. But perhaps it's a sign of death as well. The death of the storyteller in me. The desire to share or reflect. The blog is no doubt one of the most amazing mediums of communication in this day and age. With no limits to its vastness, what I pen here has the potential to travel further than I can ever do in my lifetime. But I believe I've arrived at this season where I'm inking a comma. A pause. A selah. Until I get some order again into this system of mine, at least. I believe in blogging. I believe in its power. But I'm in no position to produce anything good in this season. And with that, I'd rather stop than proceed empty. So here's my sign off for now. It's not a fullstop. I hope that I'll find my sense of order soon enough to not get these writing hands rusty. Till then, thanks for sticking around. I love you guys heaps.

the orphans of chomutov

2008-09-22T00:41:50Z

They knew no selfishness. Only the fact that they have each other. And now, God.

I think I'm starting to learn more and more just what it means to have faith like a child. And how much I love kids too. :)

hiatus

2008-09-03T00:25:33Z

So it's finally here.

In a few hours, I'll be boarding a plane to fly to Hong Kong, transitting to London. I'll be there for two days before we take another flight to Prague, and then off we go into the small town of Chomutov, approximately 90km out of Prague. I'll be there for just a bit more than a week, before flying back the same direction. I'll see you all in two weeks. Take care.

graduation

2008-08-25T14:38:24Z

So I graduated on the weekend just last Saturday. It was hectic. I have some of the most amazing friends in the world. People would envy me and I would gleam in pride. And I am being modest here. I am so thankful. The ceremony was nothing. It was meaningless. The cert and the march holds nothing compared to the short hour spent with my friends there that day. I'm still rather speechless till today for what they did for me. Until I find the time and words, I'll just have to leave it at this for now. Thank you all for making my seemingly mundane day the most special.

I love you all.

dang

2008-08-15T14:45:08Z

i wish i were cooler in your eyes.

totoro

2008-08-13T13:28:55Z

Beautiful art. Great cause. I like how art is such an amazing vehicle for a greater cause. Expression is personified to something that goes beyond a feeling contained. It becomes something that lasts. Impacts. Changes. As Erin Loechner says on her blog/site, "Because inspiration can change the world." I apologise for my hiatus. I'm still trying to get used to the whole routine of waking up early and sleeping earlier as well. That, and juggling other commitments and rendezvous can be quite tricky early on into this working life. But thank God. I'm third week in now (pay week again, yay). Will work up a proper update soon. But till then, check out the link above, and if you're feeling generous and moved, help out too. p/s: I got my company calculator today. I'm so part of the team now!

a right-brained boy in a left-brained office

2008-08-01T15:33:21Z

My first week is down. Surprisingly, it went by faster than I thought. The office, at the beginning, was bigger than I thought. But as I settled in quickly, I realised again just how small it really is. Our team is not big at all. We're not in the big leagues. We don't need that many people. Nevertheless, the company is expanding and with that, there's room for growth. Hence, me, I suppose. I thought that Accounting would be dull. I thought it would simply be number punching all the way and so I didn't ask for or expect much from it. Boy, was I right. I've been given quite a lot of tasks already despite it only being my first week. Nothing major, obviously. For the past 5 days, I've been computing tax returns, balancing and preparing financial statements, reconciling statements and learning the administrative curves around the office. Exciting stuff as you might imagine. If I'm not on my computer, I'm onto a stack of papers with more numbers than words. If I'm not on my stack of papers, I'm on my calculator. In between them all, I would be at the kitchen adding hot water to my mug (I've been down with a minor cold) or in the toilet (thanks to mugs hot water). I struggle to find meaning between the figures. Balancing statements isn't even as satisfying as it used to be in uni - not that it ever was, quite honestly. But hey, it's quite an achievement, you know. This week feels like a very long assignment that is only replaced with another one once you're done with the current one. There's no assessment marks. Just another one after this. And oh, you have to get it all right. It's slowly dawning upon me that this is how it's going to be for the next few years (or shorter, fingers crossed). Previously, I've always had an end to look forward to. If it's an internship, I would have a short term only to serve; the end of my three months would come. If it were a casual job, I would have the next one to look forward to. Oh, and I could not rock up if I came up with a good enough excuse. If it were uni, I would have the holidays to look forward to just around the corner. But on this end of the alley, there isn't an end to look forward to. This is not uni with a definitive 3-year term to serve. I can't see a clear end of the road to this. In other words, this is it. And yet, the week has ended. And here I am - thankful. The week has gone by fairly quickly. Sure, there has been times already when all I do is stare at the bottom, right-hand corner of my computer screen and mentally scream at it to turn to 5pm immediately. Especially after lunch. But this has been only a minority of my time spent there. It has surprisingly been pleasant. The work itself is repetitive. As I said earlier, I struggle to find meaning in the work that I do. I don't find it fulfilling. But then again, it has only been 5 days. I am still only learning and starting to pick up the how-to's around the office. I am dreading it a lot now because I find myself not being able to comprehend a lot of what I'm doing, but apparently that's normal. The learning curve, as I've been told, is steep. It is something that takes getting used to. But once I've had a rough idea of what I'm doing, things would start to make sense and be better. Well, that's what they tell me at least. And I believe them. The people are good. In fact, they're great. The small team makes it comfortable and cozy. And they're always smiling and supportive. I've started to even form lunch cliques (yay). Managers and partners aside, there's only two guys including myself against half a dozen ladies. No wonder the partner told me that when hiring, he'd really prefer a guy. I believe I have much to learn from this place and time; as much as a dread it's appearing to be at the moment. What it promises is far more valuable than what it is right now, and that's just how investments tend to work. I believe this is an investment into my future and that I am at the right place. As much as I often feel that I'm still not willing to grow up and face life as an adult (shudder), I know it's high time too. I'm just looking forward to my full paycheck in the next two weeks.

phil and his dad

2008-07-29T03:23:11Z

Amazing story. Beautiful photos.

Days with my father.

haji lane

2008-07-24T15:45:01Z

Yesterday I went to Singapore for a (little too short) daytrip. There, I caught up with Rulin who took me to Haji Lane near Bugis where I: wish I had more money to spend at, am thankful I didn't have more money to spend at, think almost every sales assistant in that one tiny lane is pretty, am not over that sales assistant from Soon Lee, should've bought that jacket and nerd specks, and ate Mos Burger and then thought I should've went somewhere else. All in all I totally loved my day there and bought a sweet shirt and a super sweet scarf. Totally recommendable to everybody who feels like they've got a fat wallet that needs dieting. With Rulin - a Singaporean lost in Singapore - as my tourguide, I could not have asked for a more entertaining day. On the ride back, I couldn't help but notice how bad the traffic has gotten over the years at the Causeway.

The motorcycle lane itself consisted of hundreds and perhaps even up to a thousand bikes lining up just to cross the border back into Malaysia in the evening. What's most scary is that these people probably do this twice everyday for about an hour, and for that hour, they're simply breathing in carbon monoxide. It is a slow process but it is suicide, and it is ridiculous. They should swim.

one week

2008-07-20T15:16:26Z

My one week is up. And yes, I'm still alive. I struggled with a bit of fever and mild food poisoning for two days, but I was up and about again almost immediately thanks to sheer determinance. Unfortunately, I failed to catch up with everyone I thought I'd be able to meet up with. I realised, much slower than I should, how times have changed. My peers are mostly working now. We're no longer students. Our catchup times are now confined to merely lunch breaks and dinner/suppers. No more afternoon shopping-and-we-can-do-whatever-the-heck-we-want-to-because-we-can stuff. Times have changed indeed. Nevertheless, I'm spent (both physically as well as financially). I've never driven so much within a city in a week all my life. Surprisingly, I'm really looking forward to going back to Melbourne this time round. Despite the fact that I start work pretty much immediately, I can't wait to get back into the cold weather and see some faces I've come to sorely miss (so soon?). Till then, it's selah for me.

I have 6 more days here and I don't expect to do much but rest. Maybe visit Singapore for a day, but that would be it. It's been a good holiday.

now

2008-07-05T16:56:39Z

Today could've been so different.

I was just having supper with merv and ryan and as we do everytime we catch up, we were reminescing the misadventures of our high school days - the pretty teachers we'd drool over, the nightmarish ones we'd curse at, the funny ones who won our hearts, and the funnier ones whom we wish we didn't know. We then spent about a good hour simply talking about how life was in those days; what we perceived to be cool or in and compared it to where we were now. So much has changed. Our appearances or sense of dressing makes only a minute part of how different we've become. Our very own ideals and perceptions of what life would've been like... could've been like, has also drastically changed. On Monday, merv starts his first day at work. And as of the end of this month, so will I back in Melbourne. Just 6 years ago, who would've thought that he'd be an interpreter and me an accountant? I still catch myself baffled from time to time at the fact that I'm an accountant. I tried imagining us living the lives we thought we'd live back when we were 17. Think Sliding Doors. For me, I'd never have set foot on the island down under. I would've graduated from my multimedia or graphics design degree by now and be looking for a job in the design industry. Locally.Now please don't get me wrong here. I'm not hurling insults at the local grads, but merely evaluation my could-have-been life. I believe that my perception of designs and art would've been very different too had I stuck around here. The way I appreciate art now and the way I could have would have been standards apart. My appreciation for the value of money would be a lot more slack from where I stand now (which could serve both ways to be a good point or a bad). My relationship with God would've been vague depending on the crowd I'd surround myself with. I would probably have been dating some Chinese girl who hopefully would not be ah lian down to the "-ish" bit. And I would not be caught wearing skinny jeans. Ever. If you know me well enough today, imagine it. As I said, today could've been so different. In two months, a good friend of mine is getting married. She is the first friend whom I've technically grown up with among us back home to get married. The first of our time. Yet another new chapter in story. I just wonder what am I gonna be saying about today in another five years' time. Wouldn't that be interesting?

then

2008-07-03T17:58:29Z

I had a chat with rachel today and she insisted that I should do this. It's good to be able to laugh at yourself and let others laugh at you. I think she was pushing for the latter a bit more but nevertheless, I thought what the heck. So I'm not as cool as her when I was growing up in the 90's. At 1990, I was living in a remote oil palm estate in Sabah. It was so remote, we only went out to buy our groceries once a month, as the travel to do so involved a motorboat ride, hours of driving, and perhaps flying too sometimes. We'd sometimes stay over at where we get our groceries too from before heading home because it'd be too late to travel back. Being in such a recluse area, let alone being 6 years old at that time, I hardly developed any taste or liking for music at all. I was, however, exposed to a lot of movies, and one of my earliest memories from that time was watching Jaws and Robocop on laser disc then at my dad's friend's house. The two movies, especially Jaws, gave me nightmares and instilled a fear of death in me. The only music I'd listen to is that of my dad's cassette tapes. And they were enlightening. My dad likes Michael Bolton, Kenny Rogers, the Bee Gees and the likes of them evergreen karaoke songs. The first time I found myself distinctively drawn to music was late that year though, I believe. It was Richard Marx's Right Here Waiting. I obviously didn't know what the song was really about but I'd remember the lyrics and sing to it whenever it came on. Coming back to Kluang the following year, I began to develop my own taste in music from what I'd hear about from friends in primary school or the radio. Growing up in Kluang may have seemed to be limiting my sources. Only so much stock gets through to this small town and at a day and age before internet and piracy (high 5 for piracy), one can only get exposed to so much music. Progressing through the years, I went through different phases wearing different things and parting my hair in the middle as every other boy would after Nick Carter. I remember very clearly on my birthday in 1991, I was in London and Michael Jackson released Dangerous, which was my first CD and favourite album for the longest time. I wanted to be black and like many other kids, wish I could moonwalk. By 1999, I was in Form 2 and listening to angry music because I thought profanity and baggy jeans were cool. Like rachel, I wouldn't trade the 90's for a different decade (say, now) to grow up in - but not in a I'd wanna do-it-all-over-again kinda way. I'd prefer to do a movie list because I'd have a cooler list to go along with. I love my movies and my years of growing up with them. But if a playlist is what defines a teenager (and I guess in a way, it really does portray one accurately), then here is a rough one of mine, growing up in the 90's, in no particular order of liking or chronology. 1. Richard Marx’s Right Here Waiting 2. Bryan Adam’s Everything I Do 3. NKOTB’s Step By Step 4. Michael Jackson’s Black or White 5. Boyzone’s Words 6. KRU & P. Ramlee’s Getaran Jiwa 7. OAG’s Beautifool 8. Butterfingers’ Chemistry 9. Blur’s Song 2 10. Barenaked Ladies’ The Old Apartment 11. Alanis Morisette’s Ironic 12. Blink 182’s What’s My Age Again? 13. Jason Lo’s Evening News 14. Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit 15. Lit’s My Own Worst Enemy 16. Beastie Boys' Intergalactic 17. Lauryn Hill’s Doo Wop 18. Goo Goo Dolls’ Iris 19. Jars of Clay’s Worlds Apart 20. Sting’s You Were Meant For Me 21. Eric Clapton’s Tears In Heaven 22. Shawn Mullins’ Lullaby 23. Oasis’ Wonderwall Yes, I listened to Boyzone, and yes, I loved my fair share of Malay songs as well. There was also NKOTB and everybody listened to Backstreet Boys. But I wouldn't dare list BSB as I wouldn't consider them to have defined a portion of my life, as much as we both know I'm probably in denial for that. I hope we can still be friends.

music videos

2008-06-30T15:24:08Z

I think there are a lot of really creative people in the world. I love music videos. Especially these bunch here that has been on my video playlist for a bit. They are every bit inspiring and so juiced up with creativity it'd make you think you're dumb.

Now get inspired, you bums.

one year

2008-06-24T13:37:12Z

Somewhere this time last year, I was standing in the cold of the night by the beach with waves soaking the ends of my shoes, screaming nonsense into the dark with a few randoms and some friends. Friends whom, sadly, I don't catch up with as often anymore. It was youth, dare I say. That or a lack of inhibition - which served me well. Some of my friends tend to tell me I grow up too fast sometimes. If it's not because I was dating an older girl, then it was because I was doing too much. I'm not living the life of how university students are supposed to live - late nights, party Fridays, headaches in the mornings and a pass still gets you a degree. No. I was 25 at 21. And now, as they've diagnosed me, I'm 22 trying to be 19. A lot can change in a year. Please don't read what I'm not saying. I love where I am today. I don't regret the choices I've made through the years, especially in the last year, and I'm not whinging about it now. However, I still do wish for a greater capacity. I yearn for more and to be better at life. I don't want substitutes, I want expansion. I don't want to replace yesterday with today. I want to be able to manage my time better, for instance, and not have "work" or anything else replace my time with friends. I want to live better. Today I tread on very different grounds as I did last year, I'm not ignorant of that. But I don't want to have to lose the best bits of my yesteryears as well. I know I'm guilty of losing touch of a lot of things and people. I want to make up for it. Starting from Malaysia, There's the CCKL crew to catch up with, but more so, the JYG boys. And of course, there's Mel and Steph representin' the Cempakan league in KL and my homies back in good ol' Kluang (and around). I haven't looked forward to going home as much as I do this time round in a while. I want to make up for the time lost over the year(s). I'll be on the plane this time next week in anticipation. "Look alive".