melanie's blog

22 February - bored

Had a very unusual day today, with a few unusual yet interesting events happening. Mum went to JB for some business so I was left at home all by myself today. Ok. So first was a phone call from F bidding goodbye. Finally, this matter is settled, he is going back to where he belongs and will be out of my world once again. Was my heart at rest? Did I say what I wanted to say? And did he finish saying what he wanted to say? I don’t think he did and I had something which I am not sure whether to say myself. I had one hour’s time to get to the train station and say what I wanted to say if I really wanted to… but I choose to let it go after weighing out the consequences. There goes my dream of returning to Melbourne as a PR this year =( . That 1 hour was a pain and thanks(?) to the movie Alexander that transported my mind into another space and time. The movie was OK… maybe I was distracted and the quality of the DVD is not great. Oh well. Just waiting to catch Constantine next!

Had the worst afternoon ever since I came back. I was bored and restless to the MAX!!! Needed some encouragement, some TLC, someone to be around, to talk to, and just to share some time with – but I had none. Wasn’t motivated to do ANYTHING at all and it was too hot to go out anyway (not that I had anywhere to go to). Did you know that it hasn’t rained here since Christmas? And the weather here has been the hottest in 15 years. I am sweating just doing nothing! And I guess I know why I was so discouraged… the job market is just SAD and discouraging. Can’t find anything that I can fit or qualify… makes me feel so dumb and useless, living as a bum… it’s almost 3 months now… ARGH!!!

Something that made the afternoon more joyful was when I suddenly discover a $50 note inside one of my bags… That managed to put a smile on my face!!  If only it happens everyday.

Spent the next hour listening to Jurgen, and the next listening to Tim, then did some journaling and followed by P.R.A.Y. Hmmm. Needed some inspiration and some Life* back.

Cooked up some Tom Yum noodles myself and just when I finished the last mouth full, the phone rang and it sounded: “Quickly come! There’s a house on fire below grandpa’s house!!! Quick, come and see.. NOW!” So there I was, rushing out of my house hoping that no one is hurt in the fire. It is sad to know that I actually arrived before the fire engine. Hmmm. Talking about efficiency! By the time I got there, the fire was not as fiery as it was – as it was a wooden house, it got burnt down really quickly. My uncle was helping to put off the fire while the rest of my other relatives arrive one after another, just to witness the mishap. No one was hurt as no one was in the house when the house caught fire. It is an old wooden house believed to be occupied by an elderly (so sad). I wonder what is going to happen to him.

So that was my day and I am writing it down now after a nice shower!!! U can tell I am bored uh?? Will post it up soon I hope.

And Yeah! Tomorrow is Chap Goh Mei… It’s the oriental Valentine’s Day.. So to all of you there whom I love dearly, Happy Valentine’s Day. Missing you all heaps!!! Enjoy the last day of Lunar New Year. Burn some fireworks!! Bomb! Bomb! Bomb! (that’s 3 from me!)

Ancient Chinese and God of the Bible

Check out this website. It is pretty cool and fascinating, linking the Ancient Chinese Character with the God in the Bible. Thanks to my Cousin Michael. Enjoy…

http://www.wbschool.org/Chinese.swf

By the way, this is my "Hemsem Calligrapher Grandpa". Still going strong!!

I have visitors!!!

I had 2 visitors today… All the way from KL and Batu Pahat. They were Connie and Emily, my friends from Melbourne. How nice it is to have someone driving long distance just to visit you, at your doorstep. I woke up feeling a lil bit different today because I know, I am going to have visitors – old friends whom I have not seen for a while. It’s the first time my friends from Melbourne ever came to visit me in Kluang and it felt great and great! It is so good to see them again, connect with them, just catching up, talk about things, bring them around Kluang to find ‘makan’. It was just a short afternoon but one well spent. It meant a lot to me just to be around friends and to know that they are around.

Finally it's happening...

It has to happen now
An unexpected phone call done it all
Completely distorted my day
Turned my emotional world upside down
He is back

What does he want?
‘Reconciliation’ he said
To claim back what he thinks he own
A confrontation long overdue
Expired and chose to be forgotten

I look inside and I saw
The scars he left behind
The mess he created
Will he be able to mend it all?
Maybe it would be better if he didn't come back

My heart is restless
Haunted by this dreadful thought
Alarmed by every sound of a pin drop
For the first time
I was afraid being home alone

Will he come?
Will he remember my home?
Were those unanswered phone calls from him?
What do I do when he does show up?
God help me!

The day will come
When decision will be made
One that might change my life
Will he reappear in my world?
Or will he remain non-existence

Is it up to me?
Not entirely so.

Uncomfortably Powerless

Studying the Book of Acts and hearing Jon’s choice to choose power than comfort has brought me to this point. The statement or challenge of Comfort Vs Power rings in my head yet unable to find rest. It usually makes sense when we say ‘Choose comfort or power.’ Even as Jon wrestled with his own comfort and chose to be powerful – maybe by doing so allows himself to a place where he is able to receive that power, almost immediately my heart cries out, asking the question of “Does comfort and power exist only at the absent of another? Can’t they co-exist? Must one be very very uncomfortable in order to move powerfully?

This is almost reflected through the lives of the apostles. The apostles, they were filled with the Holy Spirit and its power. They moved powerfully in their ministry, in miracles, deeds and gospel preaching. That was powerful, probably the most powerful manifestation of the Spirit ever recorded. At the same time, they became witnesses of Christ. They became martyr. Their life was never comfortable again, oppositions were everywhere, they were constantly on the run, fleeing from one authority to another, locked in prison, stoned to death.

Almost without a question, I accepted this, knowing in my mind and heart that it has to be this way. Now, I am asking the question ‘Why?’ ‘Why must powerful life be uncomfortable? Why is it so uncomfortable pursuing or even just desiring a powerful life? Can’t one be comfortably powerful?

If the two can’t co-exist, then isn’t it unfair that both comfort and power can co-non-exist? I am so uncomfortable now and at the same time, far from powerful…

Honestly, I would rather die that to suffer