melanie's blog

Ah-Ma

Watching this Korean Film ‘Coming Home’ sure makes me miss my grandma. It is a story about a mute old grandma and her little grandson who came home to visit her at the village. Suddenly, thoughts about my late grandma and memories of her filled my mind. I miss her.

My childhood would never be the same without her. I spent the first 14 years of my life living with her, under her care and taking for granted all that she had to offer. I still remember everytime when I came back from school, the first thing I would do is to greet my grandpa and my grandma. I knew exactly where to find them. For grandpa, he would either be watching tv or in his room reading, though this has changed considerably since then. As for my grandma, I would walk all the way towards the backyard where I could find her gardening and gathering firewood. If she is not there, she would be at her sewing machine making patchwork blankets for one of the thirty of us cousins.

I think most of us cousins share the same memories of our beloved grandma. She loved gardening and had the whole backyard planted with all sorts of different flowers, fruit trees, vegetables and other leafy plants. There was this particular all-time-favourite plant we named ‘The Bowl Tree’. We loved it for its leaves’ unique shape, almost like a bowl and just right for us when we play ‘masak-masak’. There were many other plants and flowers which we liked to pluck and play with, but grandma just hated it when we do that. When she caught us, we would all stand in line waiting for our turn to be caned. How delightful…

I also remember grandma and her cooking. The taste of her delicious sambal still lingers on my taste bud. She used to make this special Chinese pancake that goes perfectly with her sambal ‘hea-bee’. She knew exactly how I like my Chinese pancake. I liked it crispy and hot. Being the only one who attended afternoon school, I had the privilege of getting my tummy filled with those specially-made-to-my-liking pancakes before school. Unlike for those returning from morning school, they had no such attention, they were simply too many of them for grandma to handle. How I miss those mornings, and the thought of my cousins fighting for the last piece of Chinese pancake!!

I guess for me, the most impactful memory or experience with my grandma was this particular night during my last summer holiday before she passed on. She hasn’t been well for a while and as a routine, mum would go back every night to rub her chest with some ointment before she sleeps. I followed mum that night and just when mum was preparing and getting other stuff ready for grandma, I had a short chat, and probably my one and only real and meaningful conversation with grandma. She told me one thing that I would never forget. And everytime I remember this, my eyes still swells up with tears. She told me that every morning when she wakes up, she would say a prayer for each and everyone of us in the family. She would ask God to protect and to bless us wherever we are and in whatever we do.

As someone who knew grandma and saw how she selflessly gave herself to the family, these words cut deep into my heart and touched the most vulnerable part of my heart. In her own suffering, she still remembered to hold her family up to God. She still wanted the best for her family. I know she has been doing that for as long as she could remember. And such is the love of my grandma. I love you Ah-Ma and I miss you so much.

big trouble

i am in big trouble now... and suffocating. i need a miracle.. and a BIG one too!

*sniff sniff*

kom-ferm ah

hehehe... it is happening... kom-ferm ah. Am basking in great excitement!!!

cloning

Last Monday, we heard about an apparent breakthrough in China when their scientists successfully cloned their first pig. And probably just about 6 days before this report, the South Korean scientist announced their success in creating the world’s first cloned dog, SNUPPY. Are these animals all following the footsteps of Dolly, the world first cloned sheep, who was put to sleep at age seven – halfway through a normal lifespan – after it suffered from arthritis and degenerative lung disease?

Being a genetics grad who used to clone like one gene of a fly, and a person who strongly believes in a Creator God, these report sure caught my attention, and it sparked in me a thought process, a time of questioning on the meaning behind all these and the consequences of it relating to one’s purpose and destiny. After all, all these testing on animals are means to advance to human cloning.

So what if a human is successfully cloned? Are they any less of a person? Are they created in God’s image? If they are treated right and well accepted by the society, what difference does it make? Does it really matter if you are a clone? And ultimately, does God love them? I started this search wishing to find an answer to all these apparent questions.

As I venture into this quest, I find that my aspiration to answer these few questions is slowly overtaken by my growing understanding on the one question that matters, that we must first understand before we carry out a life-giving message to the world, this one question which seems to surpass all the other vacuous ones, and the reality of it can be understood only in relation to God.

What is not right about cloning? What has gone wrong?

Christians believe that God created human in his own image. It bears the divine stamp and life is sacred for it is a gift from the Creator. The naturalist however, believes that life arose from the primordial sea through a chance collision of chemical, and that over billions of years of chance mutations, or otherwise called biological accident. This worldview has been widely accepted and with the philosophies that emerged with the Age of Reason and the Enlightenment, philosophies that establishes human mind as the judge of all truth, they eventually rendered God irrelevant and nonexistent. With that kind of worldviews feeding our intellect, human beings became their own god, setting their own laws and are free to do whatever they find pleasure or power.

Professor Robert George of Princeton went even further to suggest that our body is just a little more than a machine operated by the mind, it is an instrument that can be used by ‘me’ for whatever purpose I choose with no moral significance. Human life has been reduced to almost plain utilitarian.

With that worldview dominating our world, it is not hard to see why cloning is now raging. If life is simply the result of a chance naturalistic process, why shouldn’t we control our own genes or created new life forms? We are simply adapting a natural process to its most advantage use. Looking at all the reasons and benefits to cloning, how the clone can one day save their siblings from some incurable diseases with their bodies, at the expense of their mortality, and how gay and lesbian couples can have their own child, and how it can make a couple financially secure, and how it can improve parent-child relationship by knowing and designing the genes of your child, and how it helps to give you a better sense of identity, and how it is a step to immortality…

What has this world become? Man has lost their reverence for the sovereign and all powerful God. The selfish and power-hungry nature we see now is not dissimilar to that in the Garden of Eden, but what is so distinct here is this selfishness and power-seeking without boundaries. Lawlessness crowds their being. They not only wants to be their own god, they want to dominate and to be in position of power and control. By cloning human or another beings ‘in their own image or likeness’, they feel like god; they get their dose of ecstasy entertaining their egocentric nature.

Unlike us human when we were created by God with love and a purpose and a destiny, these clone were ‘created’ to fulfill man’s selfish desires. It is all about their own agenda and what they want to do with this utilitarian unit. The question about their purpose and destiny is nonextant in the mind of their ‘creator’.

So does God care? Yes, because this is His Creation, we are His Creation and He is concern about every single detail that is going on on Planet Earth, and that in itself is a great relief!!

Ezekiel 33:10 – 11:
Now as for you, son of man, say to the house of Israel, ‘Thus you have spoken, saying. “Surely our transgressions and our sins are upon us, and we are rotting away in them: how then can we survive?”
Say to them, ‘As I live!’ declares the Lord God, ‘I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn back, turn back from your evil ways! Why then will you die, O house of Israel?’

As for all my previous questions, I don’t think they really matters…

Leaning Tower no more

For some strange reason, I kept thinking that my unequal leg length has not been rectified. Each time I stand up, I will try to confirm that or try to prove otherwise by trying to balance myself and looking at my standing posture in the mirror… I can’t really work out whether my legs are of equal length nor not. Even though I so much want it to be, I somehow do not feel balance when I bring my legs close together to stand up straight. The left leg still seems to be longer than the right resulting to a bend on my left knee. Hmmm. Just on yesterday morning, I was pretty convinced that the problem is not rectified.

So when my cousin came over at lunch time, I got her to measure my legs with a measuring tape. Yes, I was serious!! No matter how and where we measured, from this bone down to the other, or from the belly button the to the ankle bone, it all showed my legs to be of equal length. I wasn’t convinced at all and got her to try again and again… and the results remain the same!!! In some sense I was glad, yet I wasn’t fully convinced, somehow I still trust my own sense even though I desire otherwise… hmmm

Then again I thought to myself, I have not been standing right since I had the problem. I have been leaning to the left since like years ago… and it has become my ‘usual’ way of standing - just like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

I think I have now chosen to believe that my unequal leg length has been corrected. That is what I wanted and hoped for anyway… and the measurements support it too! So I guess what I need to learn now is how to stand and walk all over again. To learn how not to put all my weight on just one leg, and how to walk properly using both my legs and the right muscles - the way I was meant to walk and stand.

So rejoice with me again. Hehehehe… my legs are of equal length. Will confirm that with my surgeon on Fri. =)

where is my tripod? or am i the tripod?

A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read "Puppies for Sale". Signs have a way of attracting children, and soon a little boy appeared at the store and asked, "How much are you gonna sell those puppies for?" The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50." The little boy reached into his pocket and pulled out some change. "I have $2.37, can I look at them?" The store owner smiled and whistled. Out of the back of the store came his dog running down the aisle followed by five little puppies.

One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy.

"What's wrong with that little dog?" he asked. The man explained that when the puppy was born the vet said it had a bad hip socket and would limp for the rest of it's life. The little boy got really excited and said "That's the puppy I want to buy!" The man replied "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll give him to you." The little boy got upset. He looked straight into the man's eyes and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. He is worth every bit as much as the other dogs and I'll pay the full price. In fact, I will give you $2.37 now and 50 cents every month until I have him paid for."

The man countered, "You really don't want to buy this puppy, son. He's never gonna be able to run, jump and play like other puppies." The little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the man and said, "Well, I don't run so well myself and the little puppy will need someone who understands." The man was now biting his bottom lip. Tears welled up in his eyes... He smiled and said, "Son, I hope and pray that each and every one of these puppies will have an owner such as you."

The boy named his puppy "Tri-Pod" and here is his latest picture.
He is happier than ever!

In Life It Doesn't Matter Who You Are, But Whether Someone Appreciates You For What You Are, And Accepts You And Loves You Unconditionally. A Real Friend Is One Who Walks In When The Rest Of The World Walks Away.

garbled

If I were a computer, the warning sign that will show should read:

Error! Unable to establish a connection. Please check the pathway of your synapses and try again.

I don’t know how I am doing actually. On one end, yes I am on my way to recovery. That should be exciting, and having all that I am having now, the fact that all over the world people are praying for me and standing with me; resting comfortably at home; having a more painless world to look forward to and all… but somehow, my heart feels kinda lost. If boredom is the isolation of experience, then I think I am facing the most common problem any adult man faces. That is to say, I am currently experiencing in my life something that doesn’t seems to be connected to the past or future. I really wondered how I got here.

It’s a strange kind of feelings, things are happening around me and I feel external to it. I failed to establish a connection between what is happening now with what happened in the past and I am not seeing how this will influence the future. There seems to be a missing link. Did I really do all that? Did I really study in Melbourne? Was I really living in Melbourne for the past 6 years? Did I get involved with ACCF? Did I go through all that which I vaguely remember? Was I really there? Did all those things really happen to me? Or was it just a long long dream… did it really happened?

I think it must have happened since there are evidences around me that support it. But… but… what has it made me to be? Has it made any difference? Who am I actually? Where did I come from and where am I heading?

Or was it just a dream?

Letter from war...

Dear Beloved Friends

(A big bear hug to all of you) I have so much to tell...

I am back at home!!! Praise the Lord... I have been discharged from the hospital since last Friday. It was amazing. The operation went well and my recovery process is all underway. I went into the theatre a little later than I previously thought I would. I went in only at 2.30pm on Monday and got out around 9.30pm the same night. Thank you all for your messages, email replies, phone calls, visits and all your prayers for me. It has brought enormous amount of strength into my heart... I would not be able to do it without you all!!

Oh ,,I got to tell you this. It is not good to mess around with patient who are uncomfortable!!! I scolded a nurse... this happened after the surgery before I returned to the normal ward. I was kept in a room where they monitored my condition before it was safe to send me back to the normal ward. I was obviously not stable, with breathing difficulties and my whole body was trembling vigorously, and shivering, not to mention, high blood pressure. I was still half asleep but I was conscious. I told the nurse again and again that I was freezing and told her to bring me some blanket and heater, to keep me warm (knowing I have some problem with blood circulation). She kept telling me yes we’ve got blanket on you and we have brought in the heater to keep you warm. What she did not understand was why I was so cold. I knew it well that the cold was right inside my bones, and I needed heat, more heat so to say. My hands and feet were frozen and I was shivering like crazy, having difficulties breathing. She asked me one question that really puts me off! She asked me: "why are breathing like that? And your blood pressure so high?" Shouldn’t she be telling me why??? I had tell her again.. I am freezing.. and I scolded her for not knowing how to take care of her patient!! I think I said it a few times is exasperation. So angry!! =) poor nurse

I slept really well the first night, thanks to the epidural and morphine they gave me. I was not supposed to move at all. I were to lie flat on the bed with a huge pillow kinda thing in between my legs to keep my legs apart (to prevent dislocation). I basically slept the whole day until the evening when the pain began to creep in. I was having a temperature and experiencing 3 kinds of pain: 1) post surgical pain from my new joint and my incision site; 2) the pain from my degenerated left hip; 3) the soreness of my spine from lying for too long. It was really painful kept me restless the whole night, even the sleeping pill couldn't put me to sleep. The doctor then gave me a jab which then sent me to my dreamland. Thank God for jabs!! He could have done it earlier...

I woke up the next morning (2nd day post-opt) feeling better. The doctors came early that morning and because of what happened the night before, the resident doctor was asking the Prof what pain killer to put me on, and what to replace what.. I was probably half sleeping when I heard what the Prof said that just made me laugh inside. He told the other doctors;" Don’t worry, the pain from the surgery is nothing compared to what she suffered before the surgery!! She should be ok"

They untubed me that very day, they took me off epidural, oxygen tube and my IV was taken down since I have finished with all my antibiotics. The nurse changed my dressing and commented that the Prof is very happy with my incision and said it was a beautiful incision. To my surprise, the incision is quite small. Much smaller than what I thought it would be. It is only about 4 or 5 inches. Amazing! I actually made a 'unusual request' (according to the surgeon), to keep my degenerated femoral head after the surgery. They agreed to return it to me but the Prof said they would like to do some testing on it... so I cannot have it back. It would be so good to keep it!!!

The physiotherapist came shortly and got me on my feet! I started walking for a bit and it felt exactly like how when I started walking after my surgery in Melbourne. I was exhausted after a few steps, couldn’t hack it. Much contributed by the low blood count. After that I went to bed.. was sleeping for the rest of the day. More family members came to visit and brought me gadgets to camp there =) Another passed by... oh. I did meet a lot of people... but their stories would probably require another email to tell.. pretty interesting actually. And all the differences between Australian Hospital and Malaysian Hospital..

It was another new day and the doctors came to do their rounds as usual. The saw me walking with the walker, sent me for x-ray..etc. Actually I wasn’t sure what else they did to me as I was sleeping the whole day. I wasn;t bored for one second. I was too sleepy to even think. There goes another day before I knew it.

It was on Friday morning, the doctors came and told me I could go home. I was seriously sleeping then. Remembered asking him whether I heard wrongly, but he said yes you can go home today. I couldn't quite believe what I heard but I think I got it. I continued sleeping anyway.. too tired!! But then yeah.. I got out eventually, and reached Kluang at night about 930pm together with my mum and sister Joanne. So sorry to those in KL who were thinking of visiting.. I got out before u knew it!!! =) Oh. Both my sis and mum were with me the whole time!!!

Since I got back, it has been up and down but not too bad. As mum is very busy at work traveling to the country and other cities almost everyday, I am left alone at home most of the time except for meal time when my cousin comes over. Am still sleeping, but not as much and I am getting much more strength on my leg. I couldn’t move my leg one bit but now I can slowly raise it a little and I think I should be promoted to crutches soon! And hopefully get in and out of bed without help. Should find myself a healthy routine for the next 3 months here!!!

I think a great surprise this morning really gave me a boost and it has set a new momentum to my 'speedy recovery,' as some of you boldly proclaimed. Our very dear Mr and Mrs Terence Ong, together with their little boys Joel and Joash, and our Crema King E-Gene came to visit me. Yes, they drove all the way from Singapore, across nation and paid me a visit in this little ol Kluang. What a great surprise! Never did I think I would have any non-family visitors here. And to have my very very dear frens visiting me here in Kluang just meant so much to me, and the strength and encouragements they brought is amazing!!! and I am just amazed at how they managed to find my house. They are incredible!

It was so delightful just to see them, to hear their voice and to touch them once again, to spend time connecting again. These are a few of my frens whose love for me has not change!!! The represent all of you there who loves me...I Love u all so much... We had breakfast, they wanted to take me out, but I couldn’t, so we had takeaway from the faithful railway station kopitiam in town.

Spent the rest of the morning in my house just hanging, talking and also playing with the little boys. Joel is so frenly and cute!!!... It was so good... too good to be true... these 2 brothers were the ones who walked through the tough road with me in Melbourne and having them personally visiting me here is just too precious and I am sooooo in awe and so loved. Thanks E-Gene, Thanks Terence, Thanks Brenda... God is good. My cousin met them and she herself was so touched by the love that is so evident in this kind of healthy relationships that we nurture back in Melbourne. It is rare here. Very rare. You guys have made an impression and my mum is as usual very thankful...

Thank you all of you, thank you for standing with me and still standing with me. I think my blood count is slowly crawling back as I am not as sleepy as before. My heart is much encouraged after today and I know I am on the road to my accelerated speedy recovery. I will be going back to KL on Friday for my follow-up appointment with the surgeon and I hope I will surprise them!!!

Oh some of you asked me how it feels to be walking again.. tell you, the feeling of standing on equal ground (actually should be with equal leg length) again, feeling the weight spread evenly across two legs feels liberating. And now that the pain from the surgery has reduced, I can really tell the difference. The usual pain that results from the stiff joint is NO LONGER THERE!!!!! Yes!!! And I can move my leg in a certain angle and rotations... it just feels amazing and so free!!! No pain.. really no pain... so amazing!!! I just sooo look forward to the days when the recovery process is complete when the function of the new joint is fully restored!!! What a great burden being lifted.. by then. I can walk and I walk and I walk and I walk and I walk and I walk and I walk.... wow.... so happy only. Smiling from one ear to the other!!! =) I am safe in His arm.

Ok. I think this is getting long... will write again after I come back from KL. Thank you all for your love and your faithfulness to God and His people. Let us continue to represent Him in this crazy world in ways that the world never expects.

Love you all too much,
Mel