melanie's blog

Ah-Ma

Watching this Korean Film ‘Coming Home’ sure makes me miss my grandma. It is a story about a mute old grandma and her little grandson who came home to visit her at the village. Suddenly, thoughts about my late grandma and memories of her filled my mind. I miss her.

My childhood would never be the same without her. I spent the first 14 years of my life living with her, under her care and taking for granted all that she had to offer. I still remember everytime when I came back from school, the first thing I would do is to greet my grandpa and my grandma. I knew exactly where to find them. For grandpa, he would either be watching tv or in his room reading, though this has changed considerably since then. As for my grandma, I would walk all the way towards the backyard where I could find her gardening and gathering firewood. If she is not there, she would be at her sewing machine making patchwork blankets for one of the thirty of us cousins.

I think most of us cousins share the same memories of our beloved grandma. She loved gardening and had the whole backyard planted with all sorts of different flowers, fruit trees, vegetables and other leafy plants. There was this particular all-time-favourite plant we named ‘The Bowl Tree’. We loved it for its leaves’ unique shape, almost like a bowl and just right for us when we play ‘masak-masak’. There were many other plants and flowers which we liked to pluck and play with, but grandma just hated it when we do that. When she caught us, we would all stand in line waiting for our turn to be caned. How delightful…

I also remember grandma and her cooking. The taste of her delicious sambal still lingers on my taste bud. She used to make this special Chinese pancake that goes perfectly with her sambal ‘hea-bee’. She knew exactly how I like my Chinese pancake. I liked it crispy and hot. Being the only one who attended afternoon school, I had the privilege of getting my tummy filled with those specially-made-to-my-liking pancakes before school. Unlike for those returning from morning school, they had no such attention, they were simply too many of them for grandma to handle. How I miss those mornings, and the thought of my cousins fighting for the last piece of Chinese pancake!!

I guess for me, the most impactful memory or experience with my grandma was this particular night during my last summer holiday before she passed on. She hasn’t been well for a while and as a routine, mum would go back every night to rub her chest with some ointment before she sleeps. I followed mum that night and just when mum was preparing and getting other stuff ready for grandma, I had a short chat, and probably my one and only real and meaningful conversation with grandma. She told me one thing that I would never forget. And everytime I remember this, my eyes still swells up with tears. She told me that every morning when she wakes up, she would say a prayer for each and everyone of us in the family. She would ask God to protect and to bless us wherever we are and in whatever we do.

As someone who knew grandma and saw how she selflessly gave herself to the family, these words cut deep into my heart and touched the most vulnerable part of my heart. In her own suffering, she still remembered to hold her family up to God. She still wanted the best for her family. I know she has been doing that for as long as she could remember. And such is the love of my grandma. I love you Ah-Ma and I miss you so much.

Posted by melanie at August 29, 2005 2:33 AM