melanie's blog

thinking

this thought never came to mind until recently, ook.. yesterday.. when erm i found out... ok.. when i saw a D on the marital status of a colleague, C. I was dumbstrucked when i saw that - not in front of C of course! To be honest, I was a little wee bit dissapointed and having second thoughts about him. No I am not attracted to him. at least not enough to make me want to cry or commit suicide.. haha. He's ok, young, smart, sporty, and would be a potential though he is not very good looking and a bit too short for my liking. That's besides the point.

Then it started to make me think. Why did i react in such a way? What is so potent about that letter D that affected and changed the way i think about this person? Is it really that bad to have been divorced? Why do i even look and think differently about the person now? I mentioned that he could have been a potential but this piece of new information just has an immediate negative effect about that possibility. Why? I thought to myself. If this person is some 40, 50 year old person, it wouldn't have changed much of how I see or thought of him. It will not change how i will relate to him and definitely no romance to begin with. I don't go for old uncles.

So does the D make a difference? Why is it still hard to accept? He might have a very valid reason for doing so. It might not have been his fault and he could have been the victim himself. I know there is nothing too wrong and he is not eternally condemned for what he had done. God's grace is sufficient to erase and restore his personhood. These people with D, just like you and I, are sinners who have been forgiven. There is no sin too great for His precious blood to cleanse and no heart too broken for HIm to heal.

It must be me then... am i like Christ enough to forgive and forget? Am I like Christ enough to be gracious? Am I like Christ enough to not judge and condemn another person for what they have done? Am i like Christ enough to give people another chance to start anew?... That really got me thinking...

Father, as I learn to access Your world of Grace, may I also be a channel where Your Grace can flow through.

What about you?... Would you consider going out or marry someone who has been divorced?

What Can I Do

When I see the beauty of a sunset's glory
Amazing artistry across the evening sky
When I feel the mystery of a distant galaxy
It awes and humbles me to be loved by a God so high

What can I do but thank You
What can I do but give my life to You
Hallelujah Hallelujah
What can I do but praise You
Every day make everything I do a hallelujah
Hallelujah Hallelujah

When I hear the story of a God of mercy
Who shared humanity and suffered by our side
Of the cross they nailed You to that could not hold You
Now You're making all things new
By the pow'r of Your risen life

- Paul Baloche and Graham Kendrick

terrible service

I miss Melbourne... dunno why yesterday, everything just reminded me of Melbourne. First was talking to someone, then giving her suggestions of where and what to buy another someone for her birthday, I know that they are probably having Stocktake sale now at Myers and David Jones. Even with the cake, i know exactly which Cafe to get the best New York Cheesecake. I can visualise the whole city and imagine myself walking along the streets - Bourke Street Mall and Lygon Street. Hmmmm.

and it has to happen that the service industry in Singapore so sucks that iit makes me miss what i have in Melbourne. Imagine this, you have just grabbed the last piece of roast duck from the serving plate, have not even put them into your mouth, the waitress was there 'can't wait to remove the plate' approaching you to take the plate away. How rude is that??? I haven't even finished my duck ok!!!

After dinner, we went for desert at TCC, there again the same thing. Those waitress just do not know manners. They just interrupt you as and when they like it, even before you finish all there is on the plate to want to remove them. EVEN when you seem to be very engaged in a conversation. You tell them no, we are not done and soon before you kknow it, they come and try to do the same again... they are so disruptive and irritating. They are so rude and i am totally PISSED OFF by them. They need to be educated. Bad service!!!!

I think the next time they do it to me, i will tell them to back off and do not collect my plate or cup AFTER i have left the place. So angry...

one year anniversary

it has been ONE year exactly. Exactly 1 year ago, at this time, 9am, i was lying on a hospital bed in University Hospitall KL awaiting my surgery. Can't believe 1 year has passed. How was it? one word - GREAT!!

It was a year of transition and new beginnings. Indeed I have embarked on the next phase of my journey and is enjoying and giving thanks for every bit of it. God been gracious beyond words and merciful above all else. All i have now, I give thanks. He is a Father who give good gifts to those who are ready to receive it. I am learning to position myself to access His world of Grace... It is given and is done. IT IS FINISHED!!!

I will be running soon!! Haha... :-)

glandular fever

Had a consultation with Penny and this is what she thinks I am suffering from...

glandular fever

n : an acute disease characterized by fever and swollen lymph nodes and an abnormal increase of mononuclear leucocytes or monocytes in the bloodstream; not highly contagious; some believe it can be transmitted by kissing [syn: infectious mononucleosis, mononucleosis, mono, kissing disease]

ahhh... ermm... ummm... interesting.

sharing of Hope

What a great week leading up to Sunday I had.

Greg came down to Singapore with some 'guests' whom I have not seen and caught up for as long as i could remember. There is just something so special about being able to share in hope with another person. Through the week, certain events had got me experiencing and thinking about the difference it can make to a relationship by just the sharing our hope. Most relationships I have now, at least for this present moment, are in lack of this 'hope' element. Not that the lack of it is detrimental to my relationships but that the spark of it in one of them just out-shined the rest and brought about the whole mearning and beauty of sharing in HOPE, and essentially who we are as children of God. Maybe it has been way too long that I have stopped daring to share my hope and make them known. Or could it be that the company and setting I am in does not foster that kind of relationships? Or could it be that people here are not accustomed to the sharing of Hope that i got so used to while i was part of a certain expedition?

Relationships take commitment and effort. I am glad in the midst of all my 'hope-less' relationships, I do have people around whom I can easily tap back into the realm of hope sharing. It was good sharing the whole weeks' experience with the other Clan member in exile from the Great Southland.

I think the main problem that we all face (at least for me) is the lack of time and space. We can see people everyweek or perhaps everyday, but there is a serious lack of space for us to tap into the heart, to be vulnerable and share. We say things change and people move on, yes but then again, there are certain fundamentals about being a human being that will never change. We are human being created with a heart in need of Faith, Hope and Love.

feel like a student

Just went to the library, borrowed a book called Human Molecular Genetics 3 by Strachan and Read, printed out 2 scientific journal on DNA methylation, histone modifications and epigenetics reprogramming. I feel like a student all over again. Hahaha.. and of course i need to make sense out of all these too!

Yes i should be studying now... but you know... you get distracted and all. You must be wondering why I need to study again.. shouldn't i know all of it well enough? The fact is that because it is such a complex matter that too little has been discovered, we did not get to cover much of it during my uni years. Not that much more had been discovered since, but there were some significant discoveries that worth looking into and hence what i am doing now.

Actually the question to this madness is very simple. it is simply. " There are many different cell types in our body all with specific role and function, yet every one of these cells contain exactly the same DNA. How come?" You think you know the answer?

I need to study now... hmmm

where was i?

Want to know how I spent my weekend? I went to a place which seats thousands, joined these guys for worship,

got this new and autographed by the man himself

Listened to this guy preach and was anointed personally by him,

And was seated at the front row reserved for the VIPs wearing this

You guessed it!! I was at the Fire Conference organized by CfaN (Christ for all Nation). It was GREAT!!! AWESOME!!! Especially when you have the same colour tag as the worship leader and speaker… muahahahahaha(that’s beside the point)

It has been such a while since I went to a Christian conference. I didn’t realize how much I miss it until I attended this one. I think I am much more privileged than Matt who told me about a month ago that he really miss going to conferences. It is not the ‘conference’ that we miss, but it is more of the whole atmosphere, the whole place filled with the people of God, worshipping and praising Him as one body. If you have been to one, you know what I am talking about. Right?

At first, I thought I was only going to attend the Friday night miracle service. Actually, I had no idea what I was attending before I got there. I only knew that Paul Baloche will be worshiping leading and Reinhard Bonnke will be speaking. These two names were enough to make me want to go. I wasn’t aware that this Asia Pacific Fire Conference is happening here. Hmmm. I must thank one friend who got me there.

The night was great. Paul Baloche brought his whole team with him. They rocked the whole stadium, leading everyone in heartfelt worship and praise. My heart started to feel once again as the Holy Spirit melts away its callousness. That was what I needed, and very much so. My spiritual life was almost non-existent and I was living on all the left-over bread gathered from my last encounter. My heart was barren and I was running like a machine on ‘low’.

After Friday night and all the stirring on my heart, I told myself that I am going to be here again tomorrow. I am not going anywhere else. I came back the next morning and was ushered (because I had an orange tag on!!!) into the stadium, into Paul Baloche’s worship leading and into the day’s program. As the day went by, the callousness of my heart was peeled away layer by layer. I started asking some question about where I am on the journey.

As Reinhard Bonnke according to his own words, is a ‘soul winning evangelist who also does healing’, the whole deal about my supernatural healing came into thoughts. As a believer, it is not difficult for me to believe and to know that God is able to heal both emotionally and physically. But then again as I really searched myself, I find myself so much more ready to believe and have so much more confidence when it comes to emotionally healing. I myself had experience many many times of emotional healing and it is not at all difficult to know that God is able and ever ready to do that for me. I have no problem positioning myself in receiving that kind of healing.

I then asked myself, do I have the same faith, the same confidence when it comes to physically healing? The answer is “No, I don’t”. I can claim that I know God can heal and wants to heal. I hear stories of supernatural healing and fully believed in the power that worked through it. But when it comes to me, in receiving my own healing, I don’t know how to. I do not know how to position myself and I just don’t know!!! And somehow, I think there is still unbelief in my heart, I do not have the ability or the faith to boldly act upon what I believe to be. Is it because things of the physical are harder to believe? Is it because I see myself and know my own sickness too much to believe in the healing power of God? Do I not dare to hope and expect for the fear of disappointment? Do I even have Faith? God teach me to believe, claim and truly believe. Teach me how to position my heart to receive what you have freely given.

Bonnke as part of his sermon spoke about moving in the power of the Holy Spirit. He used the Olympic sprinter as his analogy. We all know that the sprinter can run very very fast. If you take him home for a cup of coffee, will you see the power he has when he drinks coffee? Of course the answer is no. But what happen when you take him to the running track down the road? You will see him sprinting and operating in the power given to him. He likens the power to the anointing and power given to us by God. There is a specific place where the power is needed and will be at work. The power is given for a specific task.

Sadly, many people live a ‘safe’ life. In their daily routine, they play safe and comfortable. There is no need for any power, no need for the supernatural anointing of God. The power and the anointing of the Holy Spirit is like a tool. If there is no need for it in anything you do, there is no need for the power and the anointing to be given to you. You basically will not need it.

This kinda slapped me on my face once again. For the last 3 months, I have been playing quite safe. Making sure I have enough rest, take care of my health, attend my church (and not planning to get anymore involved), do all that is under my responsibility and not overworking myself, eat my medicine, find more supplement to that will help me feel better, and many more just to make sure I do not exhaust myself and get the rest that I think I require. Actually to me, that is so powerless. But because I want to play safe, I do not want and probably is fearful of what could happen if I don’t, I have succumbed to that kind of lifestyle. It was safe.

What Bonnke said was quite true and really got me thinking. Here I was playing so safe and I totally forgot about God and what He is about. The most I could think was how can I fit His work into my safe routine and not ruin my health. If that is not possible, I am not intending to do anything now, until I don’t have a chance. Sigh… I had to wake up. My safe lifestyle was not ‘needing’ any of God in my life. My safe life was self-sufficient and I do not need any power. I was playing so safe not to get my health into trouble that I do not need God’s healing so to say.

Do I want power? Yes.
What must change then? My mentality and my heart. God lead me.

Luke 12:48b
From everyone who has been given much, much will be required and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.