Don't sweat the SMALL stuff!

Something meaningful...or is it??

Just got off the phone with Zakky. Well, I'm not the kind who likes to blog all the time about how perfect he is, or how sweet he is sending me flowers or bringing me to nice dinner dates. Not that he isn't. For some strange reason, I'm just not like every other proud girlfriends who writes to the world about every good deed the boyfriend does. But I am proud. I just can't take it. Well, not all the time lar at least. I have my moments though. And now is definately NOT one of them. hahaha. Am i weird?? Anyways, random thought. haha.

I've realised one thing (took me a while to accept it cause I'm damn stubborn), disliking someone or to put it more strongly, HATING someone is NOT EASY! Haha. Oh don't start being a smart ass and preach nonsense at me about Love is this and that. I KNOW ALREADY. I get annoyed when people think they're such perfect beings. Shuddup already. I'm learning :P I don't wake up everyday and pray that I'll learn to keep disliking this person. haha. But like i said, it is NOT EASY and i DON'T choose it. I don't like to don't like someone, and I can't help that I'm such a record keeping person. (So sue me! rolls eyes*)I don't think I'm as angry at the person for his/her deed but more like I can't get past the hurt that it caused me. So that kinda snowballed up to being angry and tada! We have a very angry little Winnie.

Life is a journey and it's better doing together. Just that sometimesI feel as if I need to retreat to my quiet place and allow His Spirit to do its work in me. Not something that I can click and erase but a continuous battle in the mind to be disciplined and to not allow myself to replay that damn memory over and over again, tormenting myself. Oh so depressing. Haha. Yar, somethings can't be rectified by mere words and actions. But if anything, I'm starting to soften towards the situation and learn that it doesn't change who I am and my worth. Even if present events trigger some unfond memories, it doesn't make me any less of a person, but more aware of how much more i need Him (G.O.D) to pick up my little pieces.

Well, on another note.....Zak, Aron and I cycled ALL THE WAY TO Chris and Em's place. Y, you said i cannot do it! BWAHAHA. Nah see! Better still, we went to Williamstown with Bekkie and Chris and then rode all the way back to Docklands. My legs were SO NUMB I couldn't feel the floor after that. I'm so proud of myself for riding there, then to Williamstown and finally all the way back to Docklands through the steep roads. I was ready to tie a rope to Aron's and Zak's bike so they can do the hard work. I was close to giving up and taking a cab home but I don't like feeling like a failure. PUSH PUSH PUUUUUUUUUUUUSH the tired legs and cycled ALL THE WAY BACK!!! =D Woohoo! Feels good.

Posted by winnie at May 8, 2006 12:14 AM