My holiday so far hasn't been the most fulfilling. Neither is it BAD or sucky. Which is kinda weird. I think it's the 'thesis withdrawal syndrome' as indy puts it nicely. In a weird way, I do miss the busyness of working on something and feeling so good at the end of the day when you've worked 10 hours. Lately, I've had so much time and space to think. About what I'll do next. And it does get a bit depressing cause I wish I had the chance to learn a wholedamnlotmore during my so-called honours year. Gracey's right, I have had the chance to learn to cope with people/Aperson but at the same time I wish I had a better environment to work in.
Have been procrastinating on the packing/printing thesis/signing out of the building/sending in a formal complaint/cleaning apt/packing room. Aiyaya, too long lar my list of to-dos. It has taken me a week to pack up my stuff at the desk. I think for me it signified some closure to this horrendous year. I didn't expect myself to feel so scared to enter that building again and see that desk. Maybe cause I've associated that place with ANGRYathim/Stressed beyond measure/Hurt by sarcastic remarks/I just wana kick his arse! feelings. So, just now, for the first time after I handed the thesis in, I entered that place and stood at the desk without feeling overwhelmed by the negative emotions. Wow, I speak as if I went through some form of trauma. Sigh, but it has been one-hell-of-a-shit year and I'm not apologetic about what I am about to do next. Nor am I trying to call judgement upon a certain someone (as if it's not obvious enough). I'm not sorry that the decision was made but I did not in any way hint/suggest it. So, can I be mean and say that you deserved it. All of a sudden, you are so kind and nice to me because you need something when all those months, you've showed no interest at all. Ok, I feel a lot better now that I've finally faced it.
Posted by winnie at November 7, 2006 1:57 AM