Dear God, it's me again
I am so far from where I could have been
Dear God, I would be incomplete
But you came and touched my life in time of need
So I'm thanking you for all you've done
And for sacrificing your only son
Chorus:
That's why I'm writing you this letter
To let you know that I love you
Thank you for all that I am and for being a friend
Lord, my love for you will never end
Dear God, it's Shawn this time
I'm so grateful for the way you've changed my life
I'd give all I have, I'd just throw it all away
For a chance to walk with you through Heaven's gates
That's why I'm thanking you for your love and your grace
I don't deserve these blessings that you give me
Chorus
(interlude)
Dear God, as a humble man I come to you like a child
Needing your knowledge, your love, and your guidance, Lord
Thank you for trusting me with my own life's decisions
But I'm just a man, and I don't deserve
This incredible life that you've given me
I love you Lord, I love you
Dear God, it's me Wanya
I'm so sorry, so sorry for living for me
But I promise from this day on I'm livin' for you
'Cause without you my life means nothing
Chorus
BoyzIIMen
Who want's to go to uni on a morning like this? Woke up refusing to get out of bed when i looked out my window and saw that it was raining so heavily. Man, the best weather to sleep in. I need more will-power. Missed my 9am lecture with the excuse of having a prac exam later at 2pm and needing all the sleep and concentration i can get. Sigh. There's no more next wednesday to 'make myself go for class' anymore. At least my dear tutor brought us some lollies=)
I can't believe it's gona be 3 years since i came to Melbourne. "Owh...I don't wana grow up...i'm a toys r us kid..." Well, not exactly. I'm more of a Winnie the Pooh freak-kid. teehee. Sighs....
Decided not to go for leader's night yesterday. Again, with the excuse of my prac test today and needing all the rest i need. (yeah right) I ended up doing my laundry and owhhhhh making red bean agar-agar. Hehe...i think i like cooking and cleaning the house when i'm stressed or depressed. Doesn't mean that it'll turn out yummy but just need to get my mind off stuff. According to my bro, the jelly was pretty good =) Gonna hunt for more recipes.....
It's 1:34 am and i can't sleep. Can't study either. Sleepy and quite tired but just can't seem to stop the sudden influx of worries. Sigh. I think i have insomnia. It take as average of 30 minutes for me to fall asleep. Sometimes even hours. Oh well, at least i've got my furry piglet whom i've decided to name Bacon. Was thinking of Char Siew or Siew Yoke, but...at the moment, his name stays as Bacon=)
Ugh! It's frustrating when all i can think about is my exams and how i'm doing in my studies. Just when i thought i had a few moments of watching the tv or taking a shower, that darn thought creeps in and refuses to leave me in peace. Either that or i'll be worry about something.....anything under the sun which is worry-able! I think i think too much! What's wrong with me!! I need to find a way to tell my brain to keep quite for a while so i can doze off and get the sleep i need. Maybe that's why i'm always tired no matter the hours of sleep i actually get.
Oh well, maybe i should read the bible. teehee...leviticus? or something that has the family tree thingo. I might just do that...
Psalm 80 from the Message translation
An Asaph psalm. Listen, Shepherd, Israel's Shepherd-- get all your Joseph sheep together. Throw beams of light from your dazzling throne
So Ephraim, Benjamin, and Manasseh can see where they're going. Get out of bed--you've slept long enough! Come on the run before it's too late.
God, come back! Smile your blessing smile: That will be our salvation.
GOD, God of the angel armies, how long will you smolder like a sleeping volcano while your people call for fire and brimstone?
You put us on a diet of tears, bucket after bucket of salty tears to drink.
You make us look ridiculous to our friends; our enemies poke fun day after day.
God of the angel armies, come back! Smile your blessing smile: That will be our salvation.
Remember how you brought a young vine from Egypt, cleared out the brambles and briers and planted your very own vineyard?
You prepared the good earth, you planted her roots deep; the vineyard filled the land.
Your vine soared high and shaded the mountains, even dwarfing the giant cedars.
Your vine ranged west to the Sea, east to the River.
So why do you no longer protect your vine? Trespassers pick its grapes at will;
Wild pigs crash through and crush it, and the mice nibble away at what's left.
God of the angel armies, turn our way! Take a good look at what's happened and attend to this vine.
Care for what you once tenderly planted-- the vine you raised from a shoot.
And those who dared to set it on fire-- give them a look that will kill!
Then take the hand of your once-favorite child, the child you raised to adulthood.
We will never turn our back on you; breathe life into our lungs so we can shout your name!
GOD, God of the angel armies, come back! Smile your blessing smile: That will be our salvation.
"I learnt that the christian faith is about being able to question God, to fail & to ask ourselves hard questions.....but ultimately, still hanging on & following Him.."
Just read that from a blog linked to the jyg-go click on Val's blog.
Wow....i guess that has left me to feeling encouraged that my eventhough my questions remain unanswered, i can still find comfort in knowing that He doesn't dis-own me for asking. Lighting doesn't strike me when i fail or that i burn in hell for questioning the existence of God. Learning to hang on though....I find myself hiding more than facing the reality of my faithlessness....
So, anyone who read this and knows her(Val)...tell her i said thanks =)
I'm hoping this won't turn out to be some depressing entry. I seriously need to find some exciting stuff to talk about. SIGH! But i can't help that i'm feeling real crap about....everything!!! especially myself. I think i can just sit here and laugh....for not reason. Maybe at how pathetic i'm feeling now.
=( Oh well, life DOES go on. Just realised how some people have their stupid opinion about EVERY DAMN THING. From how a person dresses to some dumb conclusion about a certain type of people. Get a life! ugh! Dammit. I'm feeling crap. Maybe i should stay in my room and sulk....
Ugh. Am at the Brownless Lib at the moment. Kinda finished some work at the uni computer lab earlier than expected. I've actually got about an hour to kill before my first and last class for the day. I must say that it's no fun battling and fighting against that voice within that's tempting me to skip my class. After all, I don't exactly have an exam for this subject. Sigh...Maybe i should go get Bubble Tea or that yummy yogurt/ice-cream. Hmm...i might just do that. Or maybe get both! =P I'm feel greedy.
For the first time since Semester started, i finished my prac class on Wednesdays half an hour early. So proud of myself. teehee. Actually got pretty consistent results, though i'm not too sure if they're accurate enough. I think i've grown pretty close with 2 of my frens in uni. Though we're all very different people, i think we have only one thing in common, STRESS! But i'm glad for people who make me laugh and whom i can laugh at. *evil.....
Okies...time for bubble tea....and maybe the yogurt ice-cream thing. Have yet to decide about my class.
Well, had quite a different start to my day. Did a lectio divina (divine lecture-devotions) with zakky. Though i must say, we erm....i shouldn't do devotion with an empty stomach and a headache cause all i think about is Kelloggs Crunchy Nut and panadol. ugh! But nevertheless, it was good time spent praying and trying hard to listen. teehee.
Uni for 2004 is coming to an end and i'm really missing it. I think i don't wana grow up. Just wana stay young and not worry about my future, what subjects to do, where to go, who to marry...(ok, the last one was a joke.i don't think about who to marry... it doesnt fill my mind as much as uni. not even close. ugh! shuttup!) Anyways, gota choose my subject by this fri or else the uni would fine me some amount of money. what a load of crap! i pay so much and u wana fine me....!!! So, i'm kinda stuck, not sure of what to do and which subjects to choose. Well, hope that i can decide soon=)
I guess it's back to work. I feel like i've been busy since the start of the Sem but havent really had much progress....or as much as i had hoped for.
RICKI-LEE left....i have no motivation to watch idol anymore....sniff...
My morning so far has been....crap.
1. Well, woke up early to book my return flight back to KL and found out that the flight that i wanted was SO full that the girl who attended to me was like...'wo...woah...this is a REALLY full flight'. Not that it should really matter. As long as i get to go home... But but but.
2. Then called Monash Uni about some course and realised HOW IMPOSSIBLE IT IS FOR ME TO ENTER!!! They had about a 100 graduates applying for the same course last year. Only 8 got thru. Yar...some people say pray. But some things are just TOO impossible.
3.Then stressing out about what i'm gona do when i graduate. And also my stupid exams which are coming up. Everything's so crap.
4. Gona get my essay results back later in the evening. Have a bad feeling about it probably coz my whole day so far has been sooooooooo terrible.
5. Got this terrible headache from all the thinking and argh!
Sigh. I don't know. I reeeeeeallly don't know.
I'm just feeling hungry