I'm really tired...A few of us went out to Geelong for a day trip. So much fun. Pictures and more details to follow when I can think properly. hee..
Had a really good day, but why do I still feel bothered....
So, I think I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a little bit weird. Someone once told me before. haha. Although after seeing my expression, he saved it by saying it's the 'good' kind of weird. Whatever that means....
Anyways,
I didn't realize that I tend to lag a lot when people tell jokes. I know my brain processes it and I find it funny. But the laughter only kicks in when everyone else has stopped laughing. Then I'll be laughing my head off. As Charles puts it, 'Like thunder and lightning'. I follow 'closely' behind everyone else.
So we have
The Joke,
Then, everyone laughs.
Then, pause*
Then, I laugh...
Geddit????
Ok, weird me. I figured that the only reason possible is because I think a lot so when someone tells me a joke, I have to take a while to switch back to reality mode and then laugh. I can be chatting on MSN about plans for the day and have a decent discussion with someone else who's physically there. Ok, no more excuses and dissections of my weirdness....Darn* I'm slow....
(Admits defeat)
Note: Thank you for what you did this morning. I feel so 'protected'. And the fact that you were sensitive enough to 'come to my rescue'. =D
I can't believe it's already 2:23am. My day just went by like...THAT. Rather uneventful cause I've been feeling a bit sick-ish, so spent a lot of time in bed 'resting'. I'm blaming it on greed. We kinda attacked the brownies before it cooled down completely (recommended 1hr). Ah wells....
Just finished watching 'Flag of our Fathers'. Quite a gory show but after a while, I got used to the shooting and horrific scenes. Not a bad movie but just makes u feel all 'ugh' inside, like...everyone dies that kinda feeling. A bit confusing with the flashbacks and present events part. Not a big fan of war movies!!!
It's the weekend...Wheeee....
Blogging is becoming a routine. Wish I was as diligent about my devotions as this.....
I miss our chat sessions.
Just wondering if you're ok.....
Bunch was great. I think I love hearing different stories. Of different people and the different struggles in their life. haha. Not that I'm damn sad and want to know that everyone's having a hard time. But I guess it's just the way they cope with it that gives me the strength to keep pressing on. Ah well...
I'm seriously exhausted. From cooking/baking. Plus the fact that I slept late last night and woke up early. Yet, I'm still here typing away. Maybe it's because I need to express myself in words (again). In a good way this time. Just a lot of things about God and what the hell am I doing here and so what if I'm a christian. I'm not there yet but I guess it's all solidifying. Which is why I'm so messed up cause I feel like He's come in and rearranged the ways I perceive the things around me.
Anyways, those are just random stuff I think about before I sleep. Sweet freams...
Today is a new day.
It rained. I love it.
I bought a dress (olive greeeen) and a top (I got money from KO! yipee)
I love eating (more like sharing) cup noodles at 12am and talking about random stuff.
I can't wait for Thursday. BUNCH!
I miss my jie :( a lot, a LOT LOT LOT!
My nails are pink (mostly).
I posted pictures on my multiply.
Ladidadidoooo....
I can see clearly now the rain is gone.....
Why do I keep going in circles? It's getting a bit frustrating, this whole emotional roller-coaster thing. I'm quite tired of myself being such a sook and gloomy person to be around. Then again, I'm hardly around people, except the dear housie and Zak. haha. Still, I'm fed up of my own attitude. Gosh! Is this a choice or maybe I just need time...?
It's wierd cause there's something comforting about wallowing in one's own misery. To keep replaying the memory over and over again as if torturing oneself. I guess it's my way of coping. I force myself to face it until I'm left feeling the appropriate amount of misery. Then, i've 'paid my debt'. How pathetic. haha. Yet funny at the same time. I'm abnormal, I know. Maybe some people choose to not think/talk/give it even another second of your life.
I need to stop worrying. To stop dwelling in the past. To stop replaying it in my mind. To stop wondering about the 'should have's and shouldn't have's'. To stop feeling guilty. To stop clinging onto every bit of detail and to freaking MOVE ON!
Maybe I need to get away. And flee from this place for a while. From everything and everyone!! Haha. Though I think I'd die of loneliness before I make it out of the city. haha.
I'm going to dread tomorrow....Can I please sleep until Thursday...
****resisting the temptation to drink myself silly...****
Blogging is quite therapeutic....heee :D
(Note: if this is getting to depressing for anyone, come back and visit in (maybe) a month's time :) )
Just when things got a bit better.....
I think I just lost
a Mate who looks out for me
a Confidant who doesn't mind my b****ing
a Companion who makes me laugh
a Buddy who pretends to laugh at my jokes
a Friend whom I've grown to love so much
and
the saddest part is probably that
You Hate Me
and
there's
Absolutely.Nothing.I.Can.Do....
I wrote some stuff the other day but didn't save it. Then the darn lap top restarted by itself so I completely lost the entry. harhar. Maybe it's good. Cause I might have regretted what I wrote. I've been wanting (but not actually getting around to it) to blog a lot more often which is an indication that I'm going through quite a lot of sh** and just need and outlet. I don't want people to leave comments and pity me. Just need to LET IT OUT! ARGH..
I sense a depressing entry coming up...dot dot dot...
I've been trying to distract myself with anything and everything! Just to numb the worrying heart and avoid from spiraling down in the string of depressing thoughts...Gosh. It's probably not as bad as it sounds. I hope.
I hate it when I wake up from a dream that leaves me crying....
I think I'm feeling things I shouldn't be feeling...
I haven't had peaceful sleep in days....
I feel broken into so many pieces that I don't know if I'll ever find them all back again...
Oh no, I sound so pathetic. haha.
God is my salvation. The rock on which i stand.
It feels like I just returned from the wilderness. But the wilderness was a time of refreshing and renewing of my spirit-man. Camp was amazing. Of course everyone says that. Then again, everyone says it and then when you come back to the city, it's back to routine and daily distractions. Yet somehow, this camp impacted me (and i'm sure a lot of other people) that so much life is oozing out of me and I feel like I'm not going to fall back into the non-camp mode. Weird weird feeling. Big thanks to the organizers esp Jin and Mike for creating that space...
Something amazing happened when we had to surrender our 'distractions' ie, phone and watch to camp commanders, Jin and Mike. It was incredible not having the pressure of time or the pressure of the next activity or anything time related. Waking up was easy cause we didn't need to count the number of hours we slept so we just felt like we had enough time anyways. We weren't even half as aware of time as we would be for everything. WOW. We did devotions out in the field without the distraction of MSN or an sms coming in or the fact that we have to be somewhere else. HOW AMAZING IS THAT!
Hee... He knew I needed the break....and how much I've missed Him....
I realised I'm a very night night person (for this season). I can sit at home all day and not feel the need to go out. But once the sun sets, it's like wake up time for me. Unfortunately, not everyone's like that so I'm kind of stuck at home. I guess I just don't like being alone at night. haha.
Tonight's one of those stay at home nights. Althought it was 12 when I got home and most people SHOULD BE SLEEPING by now. sheesh. So I got on MSN (escapism). GRACEY! GIRL, YOU MAKE ME LAUGH. hehe. Miss u muchie! Wish we could just go out and get a drink! SIGH*
Honestly, it's been quite depressing lately. I get a bit manic and laugh like a mad cow....then feel the aftermath of that emotional high. Oh well, just one of those phases. Don't say I didn't warn you, I'm not good company. Anyways, just need to vent it all out. There's more to come but I think I should spare you all the details. I'll be ok in the morning...I hope.
Don't ask me about job hunt. Really...I've answered so many people I'm starting to get annoyed at everything. haha.
Oh, camp's on Friday ! wheee...I think I'm excited about it. I don't really know....
Ok, I'm rambling on and on and on.....God save me!!!!