Don't sweat the SMALL stuff!

Fragile

I had to wait until he's made his appearance before I could put this on. My listeningpoint still refuses to let me upload pictures so you'll have to click on This link.

Silly things we do...

After dinner, Zakky and I were just working through the 101 materials to prepare for our little 'test' tommorow. Contrary to what you all might think, I DO NOT HAVE THE QUESTIONS just because he's my bf and he's supposed to be the one handling the materials. I don't have a cheat sheet either. I just have someone who's a bit more familiar with the understanding and big picture. hehe. So, we cracked our brains working through the biblical story, as a whole.

Then we got a bit distracted. I was asking him about some e-mail forwarding to another e-mail bla bla bla crap. He tried getting me to use gmail but I was complaining about how they don't have a nice email address with my name in it. Then he got a bit carried away and started typing stupid names like winnie.kamming.home@gmail.com, winnie.kam.here, winnie.kam.lenglui, isaac.su.perman, isaac.su.perstar, tim.goh.away. I laughed like a mad cow.

It was quite funny.....hehe.

Too stoned to care...

I was just staring blankly at my lap top screen wondering if I should blog. I never seem to find the right words to express fully or articulate accurately what's really going on in my head/heart. Maybe it's the lack of vocabulary. haha. Awesome, great, really, cool, yea....=) Ah well, either that or I write so truthfully that I know people shouldn't be reading it at all. I'm a weirdo, I know.

Tonight brings back too many painful memories. I don't know why I'm such an emotional person, remembering almost every detail of specific events that happened in the past and holding on to it although I know that the people involved think I'm way over it. I should be way over it. It feels like there's so much junk accumulating in me that I need to unload and be filled fresh again. Yet, I'm standing at the crossroad and still choosing to hang on to it.

Get a grip, Winnie!
I'm feeling uncontented. Frustrated that I was treated unjustly and yet not given the space to be hurt. Just sweep it under the carpet and not bring it up ever again, you said to me. Not just once. I recall so vividly how my heart sank when I saw those words typed out in our conversation. I realised suddenly, I mean so little to you. You never really heard my side of the story, cause by the time it all sunk in and I had figured it out, I wasn't supposed to say a word. Maybe the silence is prolonging the healing process. Cause it feels like you think there's nothing worth me hurting about. It was just a mistake.

Still, I choose to love cause I don't know any other way. I cannot bear to let my heart grow cold. At least not to you.

I hope you never read this, although I wish you would. It's ok. We're good at pretending that sometimes I surprise myself sometimes. Perhaps I'm the only one pretending.

I don't ever want to know if you read this. I'd be too ashamed and you would never have the guts to face it again. Let's just keep saying our Hello's and How are you's. I'll live with it....

Multiply

I'm in a much better mood these days. I wonder if it's the change in weather. Not that the circumstances around me have changed much. In fact, my blindness have been exposed and what I once thought was great, I'm rethinking. I've been eating a LOT too these days. I'm SO NOT a chocolate kind of girl but I actually went and bought me some truffles from Koko black. And I had (very good) chocolate for brekkie on another day! tsk tsk.

Anyway, there's some problem with listeningpointdotus and I can't seem to upload pictures. So, I've returned to my once abandoned Multiply site and posted some pictures. . I wish I were a professional cook/baker/chef whatever-thehell-theycallem and post pics on like a food blog. whee...So fun. Then again, I'm not that fantastic a cook, just lurve to feed people. whee..So much joy in making people fat and happy =D

Wennie-ism

We just had our fortnightly Fruitful and Multiply gathering at my place. As usual, some of us were full of nonsense. ehehe. At the end of the meeting, some of them hung around to chill. Wennie then started on her 'Wennie-ism' mode. She threw out a few phrases that just cracked us up. Apparently, it's a very Aussie slang but I've only really heard it from her. Some of the phrases she uses frequently are...

Nice try, french fry
Far out, brussel sprout
In a while, crocodile
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy
See you later, alligator
Alright, vegemite
Same goes, rubber nose
See you all, basketball
All the best, hairy chest...(courtesy of candice)

My personal favourite was the last one. Now, to think of more.... =P

Oh my (Indy) darling....

This is funny (at least to me lar).

I was chattin with Indy and she was telling me that she was actually listening to Christmas songs. Yar, in MAY. haha. So, I told her how I didn't like Christmas-y songs sometimes cause they make me feel depressed. Maybe just the whole feel of the songs and lyrics. yada yada. Then she replied,

miss c says:
listen tot henicer mor eupbeat ones

?????? I know. It took me a few seconds to process and figure out what she typed. She actually meant to type "listen to the nicer more upbeat ones". teeeheee. Indy darling, just had to blog about it cause it's so funny!

On another note, I've been trying to memorize Romans 8. Don't know if I'll make it through the whole chapter but I'll try. So far, it's until verse 11. It's so confusing cause Paul introduces so many different things although it's kind of the same thing. Iyar, chung chee it's like a tongue twister.

On another random note, I just remembered about a movie "The eternal sunshine of the spotless mind". What stood out for me after I watched the show was the option of erasing certain memories from their mind. I know some part of me wished I could do that. Then again, it wouldn't make me who I am and it would be a form of escapism from reality. NEED TO FACE IT, WINNIE KAMMMMMMM!

I'm hungry!

Anzac day trip..

I'm really tired...A few of us went out to Geelong for a day trip. So much fun. Pictures and more details to follow when I can think properly. hee..

Had a really good day, but why do I still feel bothered....

Latest discovery about me...

So, I think I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a little bit weird. Someone once told me before. haha. Although after seeing my expression, he saved it by saying it's the 'good' kind of weird. Whatever that means....

Anyways,

I didn't realize that I tend to lag a lot when people tell jokes. I know my brain processes it and I find it funny. But the laughter only kicks in when everyone else has stopped laughing. Then I'll be laughing my head off. As Charles puts it, 'Like thunder and lightning'. I follow 'closely' behind everyone else.

So we have
The Joke,
Then, everyone laughs.
Then, pause*
Then, I laugh...

Geddit????
Ok, weird me. I figured that the only reason possible is because I think a lot so when someone tells me a joke, I have to take a while to switch back to reality mode and then laugh. I can be chatting on MSN about plans for the day and have a decent discussion with someone else who's physically there. Ok, no more excuses and dissections of my weirdness....Darn* I'm slow....

(Admits defeat)

Note: Thank you for what you did this morning. I feel so 'protected'. And the fact that you were sensitive enough to 'come to my rescue'. =D

Where did all the time go???

I can't believe it's already 2:23am. My day just went by like...THAT. Rather uneventful cause I've been feeling a bit sick-ish, so spent a lot of time in bed 'resting'. I'm blaming it on greed. We kinda attacked the brownies before it cooled down completely (recommended 1hr). Ah wells....

Just finished watching 'Flag of our Fathers'. Quite a gory show but after a while, I got used to the shooting and horrific scenes. Not a bad movie but just makes u feel all 'ugh' inside, like...everyone dies that kinda feeling. A bit confusing with the flashbacks and present events part. Not a big fan of war movies!!!

It's the weekend...Wheeee....

Blogging is becoming a routine. Wish I was as diligent about my devotions as this.....

I miss our chat sessions.

Just wondering if you're ok.....

Fruitful and Multiply

Bunch was great. I think I love hearing different stories. Of different people and the different struggles in their life. haha. Not that I'm damn sad and want to know that everyone's having a hard time. But I guess it's just the way they cope with it that gives me the strength to keep pressing on. Ah well...

I'm seriously exhausted. From cooking/baking. Plus the fact that I slept late last night and woke up early. Yet, I'm still here typing away. Maybe it's because I need to express myself in words (again). In a good way this time. Just a lot of things about God and what the hell am I doing here and so what if I'm a christian. I'm not there yet but I guess it's all solidifying. Which is why I'm so messed up cause I feel like He's come in and rearranged the ways I perceive the things around me.

Anyways, those are just random stuff I think about before I sleep. Sweet freams...

Today is a new day.

It rained. I love it.

I bought a dress (olive greeeen) and a top (I got money from KO! yipee)

I love eating (more like sharing) cup noodles at 12am and talking about random stuff.

I can't wait for Thursday. BUNCH!

I miss my jie :( a lot, a LOT LOT LOT!

My nails are pink (mostly).

I posted pictures on my multiply.

Ladidadidoooo....
I can see clearly now the rain is gone.....

I can't think of a title...

Why do I keep going in circles? It's getting a bit frustrating, this whole emotional roller-coaster thing. I'm quite tired of myself being such a sook and gloomy person to be around. Then again, I'm hardly around people, except the dear housie and Zak. haha. Still, I'm fed up of my own attitude. Gosh! Is this a choice or maybe I just need time...?

It's wierd cause there's something comforting about wallowing in one's own misery. To keep replaying the memory over and over again as if torturing oneself. I guess it's my way of coping. I force myself to face it until I'm left feeling the appropriate amount of misery. Then, i've 'paid my debt'. How pathetic. haha. Yet funny at the same time. I'm abnormal, I know. Maybe some people choose to not think/talk/give it even another second of your life.

I need to stop worrying. To stop dwelling in the past. To stop replaying it in my mind. To stop wondering about the 'should have's and shouldn't have's'. To stop feeling guilty. To stop clinging onto every bit of detail and to freaking MOVE ON!

Maybe I need to get away. And flee from this place for a while. From everything and everyone!! Haha. Though I think I'd die of loneliness before I make it out of the city. haha.

I'm going to dread tomorrow....Can I please sleep until Thursday...

****resisting the temptation to drink myself silly...****

Blogging is quite therapeutic....heee :D

(Note: if this is getting to depressing for anyone, come back and visit in (maybe) a month's time :) )

Just when things got a bit better.....

I think I just lost

a Mate who looks out for me
a Confidant who doesn't mind my b****ing
a Companion who makes me laugh
a Buddy who pretends to laugh at my jokes
a Friend whom I've grown to love so much

and

the saddest part is probably that
You Hate Me

and

there's
Absolutely.Nothing.I.Can.Do....

Another (ter-)deleted post...

I wrote some stuff the other day but didn't save it. Then the darn lap top restarted by itself so I completely lost the entry. harhar. Maybe it's good. Cause I might have regretted what I wrote. I've been wanting (but not actually getting around to it) to blog a lot more often which is an indication that I'm going through quite a lot of sh** and just need and outlet. I don't want people to leave comments and pity me. Just need to LET IT OUT! ARGH..

I sense a depressing entry coming up...dot dot dot...

I've been trying to distract myself with anything and everything! Just to numb the worrying heart and avoid from spiraling down in the string of depressing thoughts...Gosh. It's probably not as bad as it sounds. I hope.

I hate it when I wake up from a dream that leaves me crying....
I think I'm feeling things I shouldn't be feeling...
I haven't had peaceful sleep in days....
I feel broken into so many pieces that I don't know if I'll ever find them all back again...

Oh no, I sound so pathetic. haha.

God is my salvation. The rock on which i stand.